you have 8 new messages...

Yo, whatsup, this is Mary,
I'm not home, leave a message, peace

One time some woman called Colin's phone and left a 12-minute orgasm on his voicemail. She had the wrong number. Thankfully, I have never had an orgasm on anyone's voicemail. Not that I can remember anyway.

Here's a transcript of a voicemail message I got today:

"Ah yes, hello Mrs. Frankel, this is Chief Orthopaedic surgeon Mr. Ray Romero down here at UNMH and we have a patient, Mr. Colin Crook who came in with acute sushi-itis of his upper gastro intestinal tract and we believe it occurred from eating mass quantities of undercooked fish. Now according to his statement you also consumed the same amount of sushi and we would like to schedule you for an upper esophageal duostenal endoscopy please...so if you could give us a call at your earliest convenience, this IS life threatening and this IS in your best interest. Thank you very much ma'am and have a good day."

Um...a few um comments...the Chief Orthopaedic surgeon refers to himself as "Mr." How unpretentious is that. I love him. And what the fuck is an esophageal duostenal endoscopy? And has anyone actually talked to Colin?

God, I'm still full.