someone shoot me

So Nathan and I sat through the hospital's new employee orientation on Monday. I answered a question correctly and got a cool badge holder, and Nathan answered one correctly and got this styrofoam type guy who is gonna end up in the styrofoam type guy heaven (aka the already overflowing landfills). What the hell is its purpose? It's creepy too...I don't know if you can tell, but their teeth are really white and weird. Anyway, I think we should take him into the cleanroom and see if we can disintegrate him into absolutely nothing. Maybe we can patent that and clear out landfills. And become rich and famous.

Our instructor was Susana (pronounced Soo-SAH-nah...believe me I know, she loooved saying her name over and over) and she mighta been the spawn of Chucky. I kept waiting for her to break out her pom-poms and do a cheer for UNMH human resources or say something like, "we realize you have choices of hospitals in the area...thank you for choosing UNMH, and please fly with us again," as she pushed the tea and coffee cart down the aisle. Now I am having fantasies about cutting off her perky ponytail and shaving off her bangs in her sleep. Rah rah rah.

Yesterday we learned the difference between appropriate and inappropriate internet usage. Did you know that you're not supposed to look at porn on hospital computers? Perhaps someone needs to reiterate that to the OR employees. Today we learned how to read email. I wonder when they're gonna teach us all how to blog.

Quote of the orientation: "Do I need to separate you two?" ---Soo-SAH-nah, to Nathan and me. Oy.

Other quote of the orientation: "Wow, you got the status id badge." ---Nathan, on my code pink and invasive procedures capabilities.

Quote of the 19th century: "As if you could kill time without injuring eternity." ---Henry David Thoreau, Walden

Trivial piece of information I learned this week: My porn star name is Lady Banger. But that is so not trivial...