i give up

Last night I had nightmares about that fucking test. I totally studied, knew that shit backwards and forwards. I could write essays on PUD, GERD, ulcerative colitis, Crohn's (and I even know how to SPELL it), Myasthenia Gravis, strokes, and seizures. Hopefully someone will take my suggestion and Bush will start teaching that class as soon as Feingold is elected. (A good-looking jew for president. Hmmm. and 1 degree of separation - his sister was one of our rabbis growing up. I could be an intern!)

(Btw, I just listened to my voicemail, and one cannot fail 505. It is a mathematical impossibility. And no, my children are not up at 11:00 pm and therefore cannot be suspects in a violent crime. Yes, I received the plane ticket you sent me, and I look forward to sitting on the beach of the Atlantic Ocean for a few days. Yes, I can probably find you an effective pharmaceutical intervention for the family reunion. God, I get exciting voicemails...and now I don't have to call anyone back.)

But back to my shitty day yesterday...here's the thing...you fuck up a test, and that's it. There is no going back and fixing it. And then people look at you disapprovingly like, "how could you NOT think like me? And how could you NOT know that this is what I meant? I say one thing but obviously that's not what I mean..." I can't read people's minds, I can only go on what people tell me and then make choices based on what I believe is true and real.

Ok. So I shouldn't have jet-setted. I'm regretting that more than anyone knows for lots of reasons. But I can't go back and fix it. I'll deal with my first B, among other consequences. It's not like it didn't fuck up my heart, too.