ghost blog #1 revisited

From March...

When things get crappy…

Can you believe that the coffee shop was not open yesterday? I hardly knew what to do with myself. Jill, Colin and I ended up across the street at Java the Hut. While evaluating ECGs (or FCGs, fucked CGs) we compared our current relationships to the electrical tracing. “Katie, you are at Q right now but you know that R is coming and you can really look forward to T.” We extolled the simplicity of the P wave or even the baseline lack of electrical activity. When our relationships get tachy, do we allow them to progress to asystole? Some of us, okay maybe just me, want to push the heart to its very limits. If I call you the worst name possible, can you forgive me or will you never speak to me again? Am I lovable even when in a rage and out of control?

I don’t believe that our relationships are linear or even ECGular, sometimes we are close and sometimes we are distant. I lived in Mozonte for 2 years without a phone or email and with a less than reliable postal service. Some of my relationships recovered from that. Others are still rebounding 2 years status post Peace Corps. The distance was an obvious result of an experience I chose. I think that is different from cutting someone out. You always have a choice as to who is in your life and you can walk away if you want, wean yourself from someone, allow asystole rather than survive with angina pectoris. I think that there are people “we are born to” that we are still meeting and getting to know (Frankel, 2006). Like family we forgive them and do not put conditions on the love, do not map it like an ECG with a predictable path, do not expect it to be painless…

Weaning is for weenies.

(and then there is atherosclerosis, the people that you cant get out of your arteries, but thats a whole different disease process now isnt it Jill?)