oh my god

Today I was told that I'm not godly. And because I've already had a religious experience this morning (wherein St. Thomas Aquinas made sure that test was outrageously easy), and because if I WAS godly tomorrow would be a worldwide holiday, I thought I would blog the top 10 reasons why I am not godly.

10. When I need to get across the Red Sea, it doesn't open up for me; I actually have to swim or sail or go around it

9. No one thinks twice about taking my name in vain

8. My children were not immaculately conceived

7. St. Matthew would actually be doing what I keep asking him to do

6. People would say, "Oh you God, Jill...(insert phrase here)" instead of "Oh my God, Jill," right?

5. No one would be sad or lonely or sick or at war or doing horrible things to each other and stores would have Hanukah decorations and radio stations wouldn't be playing Christmas music, they'd be playing only Grateful Dead, Blues Traveler, Led Zeppelin, James Taylor, and Bruce Springsteen for the entire month of my birthday (ok, that's kind of 3)

4. No one goes to Mecca to worship me (not that I know of, anyway)(there's an interesting thought...if anyone's gone to Mecca to worship me, can you let me know? thanks)

3. No one rubs my tummy to make a wish (while that can be construed as dirty, let's not go there)

2. I wouldn't need to make 1000 cranes to make my own damn wish

1. I'd have been smart enough to create a woman first