ghost blog #1
When things get crappy…
Can you believe that the coffee shop was not open yesterday? I hardly knew what to do with myself. Jill, Colin and I ended up across the street at Java the Hut. While evaluating ECGs (or FCGs, fucked CGs) we compared our current relationships to the electrical tracing. “Katie, you are at Q right now but you know that R is coming and you can really look forward to T.” We extolled the simplicity of the P wave or even the baseline lack of electrical activity. When our relationships get tachy, do we allow them to progress to asystole? Some of us, okay maybe just me, want to push the heart to its very limits. If I call you the worst name possible, can you forgive me or will you never speak to me again? Am I lovable even when in a rage and out of control?
I don’t believe that our relationships are linear or even ECGular, sometimes we are close and sometimes we are distant. I lived in Mozonte for 2 years without a phone or email and with a less than reliable postal service. Some of my relationships recovered from that. Others are still rebounding 2 years status post Peace Corps. The distance was an obvious result of an experience I chose. I think that is different from cutting someone out. You always have a choice as to who is in your life and you can walk away if you want, wean yourself from someone, allow asystole rather than survive with angina pectoris. I think that there are people “we are born to” that we are still meeting and getting to know (Frankel, 2006). Like family we forgive them and do not put conditions on the love, do not map it like an ECG with a predictable path, do not expect it to be painless…
Weaning is for weenies.
(and then there is atherosclerosis, the people that you cant get out of your arteries, but thats a whole different disease process now isnt it Jill?)
Can you believe that the coffee shop was not open yesterday? I hardly knew what to do with myself. Jill, Colin and I ended up across the street at Java the Hut. While evaluating ECGs (or FCGs, fucked CGs) we compared our current relationships to the electrical tracing. “Katie, you are at Q right now but you know that R is coming and you can really look forward to T.” We extolled the simplicity of the P wave or even the baseline lack of electrical activity. When our relationships get tachy, do we allow them to progress to asystole? Some of us, okay maybe just me, want to push the heart to its very limits. If I call you the worst name possible, can you forgive me or will you never speak to me again? Am I lovable even when in a rage and out of control?
I don’t believe that our relationships are linear or even ECGular, sometimes we are close and sometimes we are distant. I lived in Mozonte for 2 years without a phone or email and with a less than reliable postal service. Some of my relationships recovered from that. Others are still rebounding 2 years status post Peace Corps. The distance was an obvious result of an experience I chose. I think that is different from cutting someone out. You always have a choice as to who is in your life and you can walk away if you want, wean yourself from someone, allow asystole rather than survive with angina pectoris. I think that there are people “we are born to” that we are still meeting and getting to know (Frankel, 2006). Like family we forgive them and do not put conditions on the love, do not map it like an ECG with a predictable path, do not expect it to be painless…
Weaning is for weenies.
(and then there is atherosclerosis, the people that you cant get out of your arteries, but thats a whole different disease process now isnt it Jill?)
posted by jill at 09:33
13 Comments:
it might just be easier to say fuck it and stop getting close to people because either they wean you or they become plaque in your arteries that you can't get rid of unless they eventually dislodge themselves and then what? they become a thrombosis on their way to a pulmonary embolism. i just want more hemoglobin. or a fucking cup of coffee.
Oh, the things we do for a little sympathetic stimulation.
Isn't it worth a little DVT in the ass?
no...because even if it's in your ass it still becomes a pulmonary embolism and then you can't breathe and you still die anyway. broken lung/broken heart same fucking thing.
no point.
Please pass the nitro.
fuck the nitro, give me versed so i can remember nothing.
I remember a couple summers ago I was camping with Ryan somewhere outside of Santa Fe. I got drunk and straddled his back as he lay in the dirt. I bounced up and down like one would when cantering a horse, I posted him. It became a euphemism that we used fairly often. Funny how posting him now means writing about him in a blog.
kt...pass the ativan. or whatever it is you're on. and be happy that you actually got to post him once.
i'm going to start blogging my exes.
where is colin?
he's right there. has the hitachi plug-in made you blind?
See now this is exactly why Jean can not read the blog? And no, I am not blind, but maybe a little deaf, it is a little like a jack hammer you know.
what? i can't hear you. all i can hear is bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
so i keep the bunny in a pillow in my bed and every once in awhile i roll over on it and turn it on. one night i tried to answer it cuz i thought it was my celly.
Do you think you can get one of this implanted?
i can't write buttplug on my blog can i.
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