can this all please just be over already?
It's amazing how you can be cruising along just doing the life thing, hanging with 10 year-olds, spending time with friends, traveling to US cities for exciting adventures, enjoying the simple pleasures of life that we all become accustomed to and then suddenly with no warning or explanation people say or do things and those little things can just knock the wind out of you.
I went home on Sunday to hang out with my family and then spent the evening at a Springsteen concert in Chicago. Afterwards as Meg and I sat outside and chatted into the wee hours of the morning on a beautiful, crisp fall night, I told her that it had been one of the best days I'd had in a long time. I should learn to keep my mouth shut because whenever I say that, the next day turns into shit. Quickly. And without fail. I can't decide what's worse: hearing that someone said my heart just isn't in something that I've been so completely committed to, or hearing someone tell me their heart isn't into something anymore even though my heart completely is. Both of those things happened to me this week.
Makes me not want to invest my time, energy, or heart in much. Thais says that these are all learning experiences and that I will do it all again someday, but I just think I've had enough for awhile. It is incredible how certain people that we connect with can cause such happiness and also such indescribable sadness.
How much I love and miss Lake Michigan: a whole bunch
How many times during my trip home I thought about moving back: countless
How many trips I need to make to Chicago or Milwaukee during the winter to remind me how crazy that would be: 1
Days til I start my new job: 10
Days til Hanukah: 40
Days til my birthday: 47
Days til 2008: 66
How many mortgage payments I've made: 1
How many days til my next big adventure: Meg?
posted by jill at 01:09
2 Comments:
For what it's worth, I'll say honestly from the bottom of my heart that this painful event is, in the long run, a good thing. You were in a place and space of happiness and contentness and it's not a coincidence that the next day the thing that's been unhealthy for you for a long time tried to detach from you.
I know firsthand the beauty of a special connection and the confusion when that connection is also fucked up and painful. If you can make it through the pain of separation and move forward, there are better things ahead. I just know it. It was true for me and it's true for you.
i love how you just know what the painful event is. god, i AM boring.
anyway, thanks. i miss you and i hope things are well. tonight i'm going to listen to rush and paint my bathroom. i'm thinking that might help.
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