just torturing myself a little...

Los ninos and I checked out the newly opened New York Deli (just around the corner from our new casa) for dinner tonight. It was fun...I've never been to NYC so I have no idea how it compares, but I've frequented Jewish delis in Detroit, so I'm not a total virgin. There were tons of pictures of the Manhattan skyline, the Brooklyn Bridge, the World Trade Center from like 17,000 different angles, and the New York Yankees. All Kaela talked about was how she dreams about the Empire State Building al the time and how she can't wait to move there, and Zack just sat and begged to go on a big apple vacation. I'm not sure hot pastrami on rye and kosher dills is worth listening to the 10 year-olds jones for NYC (especially given my New York state of going out of my mind recently), but maybe we could move there and open a red or green New Mexican joint off of Wall Street or something...

Hey Meg, maybe that could be your new business venture, and then you could go live in Chelsea, shop on Fifth Avenue, and go see musicals on Broadway like 3 times a week. (Maybe we should make that part of the 10-year plan?)

Quote of last night: "I went out on a date with someone I met on Myspace. How 14 is THAT?" ---Meg...true my little teenage wannabe, but may I point out that at least you find people, on Myspace or not, you're interested in dating?

let it bee

Ok, so I'd like to take a moment to commend my daughter who made the school-wide spelling bee. Every year since first grade she's either come in 3rd or been an alternate, but not this year, nope.

(I'd also like to thank 2 of my BFFs who took the news really well that the spelling bee happens to fall smack dab in the middle of their graduation ceremony, and were totally cool with the fact that I needed to change my plans.)

So much to look forward to...

Days til Hanukah: 7
Days til my birthday: 15
Days til Meg's birthday: 16
Days til the spelling bee: 17
Days til the band concert: 21
Days til New Years Eve: 34
Days til my next Springsteen concert: who the fuck knows, as Sylvia Buchman (aka my mother) refuses to sit anywhere but in 4 sections totally close to the stage as long as they're below row J...yeah, right, I'll just snap my fingers and make that happen (but Zack has proposed that we drive to Dallas, and I'm not completely opposed...)

38. snow

Or can I replace Robb's internet one with snow? Cuz right now I wonder why I even check my email anymore, just sadness and bad news all around. And then I watch this person who I used to be so close to who is just gone, has moved on, without a thought or a care, and I can't say a quick "hey" or look forward to next time or join in the game cuz there's some Texas high school fuckhead already there and he doesn't want me to anyway; no, I can't do anything about it...just like Kathryn, he's strategically made it so I can't talk to him, really without a good enough explanation at all. Thanks, both of you. That's just awesome.

So tell me...all you wise, non-broken-hearted people out there...why is it that we open ourselves up to people, basically hand over our hearts willingly...thus giving them the power to completely destroy us, yet trusting that they won't? I swore I'd never trust anyone like that after the last time, and I did it anyway...I couldn't help it, I fell in love. But never, ever again.

37 things...

Ok, to off-set Meg's list (that no one saw)(but still, I did)(and it was awesome)(especially #26) of 37 reasons why this hetox thing is good for me, I'm making a list of some things that I'm thankful for on this Thanksgiving day. Feel free to add to it or to write your own parallel thankfulblog.

1. My kids cuz for the most part they're awesome
2. Exhub cuz I don't cook, clean, or do laundry anymore (including today, and he's better at it anyway)
3. My dogs cuz they're cute and sweet and cuddly
4. My awesome friends (especially those who rush to coffee or sushi with me when I need them or just cuz it's fun and write lists of 37 reasons why I'm better off and then tell me those things continuously while consuming sweet drinks, lusting over taken people I can't seem to not crush on, and singing bad karaoke)
5. My parents for like a bazillion reasons (that's a whole blog in itself, to steal from Robb, I guess)
6. My degree...financial stability is a nice load off my mind
7. My new job is monumentally better than my old one
8. Peju winery, who only requires that I have a valid credit card to mail me cases of wine
9. Thanksgiving, for having a day off and a reason to drink a whole bunch of that wine
10. My new house
11. My mother (again) for conceiving me on St. Patrick's Day and not some other random holiday thus making me a Sagittarius
12. All my old California friends who write me great emails and put me up in paradise-like locales when I come visit
13. Gary and Shannon for being like the model everything
14. 3 bathrooms
15. My kids extracurricular activities center around band, art, creative writing, reading, baseball and rock and roll, and not alcohol, drugs, and sex.
16. Pam and Ardith, the Abq cousins, and Uncle David for being the nonjudgmental, completely accepting, whatever you do is fine with me and I'm gonna love you and hang out with you anyway part of the family
17. Bubble wrap cuz it's making my kids really happy right now
18. My preceptor and new friend Jessica for hiring me, being an awesome nurse, and just being an all-around awesome person
19. Just the thought of Hillary for President...
20. My ex BEMFF who turned me on to Springsteen and convinced me to go see him live, which ended up (besides the Indigo Girls) being the 2 best live shows I've ever seen, including countless other things...(I still miss him)
21. Did I mention the wine already?
22. Shenoa and Radha, you know why
23. Colin, we need to go gamble sometime and then I'll be even more thankful
24. A friend in St. Louis for showing me that people besides me actually don't always just stay for the kids
25. Sammie, Ari, KAH, Nikki, Whitny, and Kim for making my old job just not bad enough to completely leave
26. Divorce, cuz marriage is like a jail cell (sorry exhub, but this is way more fun)
27. Ok, freedom and stuff...but I still can't draw a direct line to how the troops are doing that for me....but whatever, freedom (not into jail cells, see #26)
28. The trampoline
29. Julie at work who didn't schedule me on my birthday, Meg's birthday, or Thais and Ari's graduation
30. My mom (again) for forgetting how old she really is and being really excited about going to see Springsteen with me and Meg on St. Patrick's Day (hmmm...my mother and St. Patrick's Day is a recurring theme here, no?)
31. KAH, for making sure everything's ok, cuz I really can't
32. Sears, for my new lawnmower
33. Hank, for making really good drinks and cutting me off when I ask her to
34. Myspace for allowing me to reconnect with some old friends and family
35. All the nice people in my life who do wonderful things for and with me
36. The OB resident who convinced me that I really needed to go work in L&D
37. Exhub just opened another bottle of wine

And I didn't even touch on things like indoor plumbing, running water, sunrises and sunsets!

what a shitty day

As I walk away
I look over my shoulder
To see what I'm leaving behind

Pieces of puzzles
And wishes on eyelashes fail

Oh
How do I show all the love
Inside my heart

Well this is all new
And I'm feeling my way through the dark

And I used to talk
With honest conviction
Of how I predicted my world
I'm gonna leave it to star gazers
Tell me what your telescope says

Oh what is in store for me now
It's coming apart

I know that it's true
'cause I'm feeling my way through the dark

Try to find a light on somewhere
Try to find a light on somewhere
I'm finding I'm falling in love with the dark over here

Oh oh what do I know I don't care
Where I start

For my troubles are few
As I'm feeling my way through the dark
Through the dark
I'm feeling my way through the dark

the magic 8 ball is still packed away, so...

Like any uncharted territory
I must seem greatly intriguing
You speak of my love like
You have experienced love like mine before
But this is not allowed
You're uninvited
An unfortunate slight

I'm resorting to Free Will Astrology and my Chinese Horoscope (courtesy of Meg's myspace) to figure things out. As usual, Rob Brezsny is right on target with my heartwrenching, tragically sad hetox, and my Chinese Horoscope not only told me who I love, but what song makes me think about him, and what is my own theme song right now.

Trippy.

I'm telling all y'all...check out your Free Will horoscope or your Chinese horoscope. Cuz if you're where I'm at...where nothing (well, nothing related to matters of the heart) makes sense...oh, these 2 little gems will help you put it all together.

And if that doesn't work, there's always red wine.

getting by

Your pride has built a wall, so strong
That I can't get through
Is there really no chance
To start once again
I'm loving you

Yeah, yeah. Life's ok right now except that my favorite at-work radio station has begun playing only Christmas songs and it's only November 15th. They could at least let us get through turkey and stuffing and trying to figure out what we're thankful for before we're subjected to bells and holly and jolly and shit.

I had parent-teacher conferences this week which is always scary cuz it reminds me of getting called into the principal's office (or the boss' office), but apparently my children are model 5th graders and their stellar grades and behavior make me want to get one of those bumper stickers that says "my kid is monumentally cooler than your honor student." I'll resist, but celebrations are in order. Thank god I'm doing something right...

I hope everyone's getting by. Well, almost everyone. I don't think anyone should be getting by (or happier) without me (unless you've blogged mean things about me or we've had a falling out or something). But, no way are you happier without me.

How many days til Thanksgiving: 6
How many days til Hanukah: 19
How many days til my birthday: 26
How many days til Meg's birthday: 27
How many days til the band concert: 32
How many days til my hot New Year's Eve date: 45
How many days til my next Springsteen concert: 122
Number of strong drinks I need to consume to sing like an 80s hairband uber rocker: like 40
Most ridiculous overheard kid conversation I just heard: "Zack, you want to come jump on the trampoline with me?" "No Kaela, I'm folding laundry. And here, I have some clothes for you."

That can't really be MY kid...

none of this has happened yet

The groundskeeper opened the gates
And let the wild dogs run

Ok, so since I get all bitchy around the holidays, I thought I'd make a list of things I have to look forward to so I could read it and remind myself that life is ok not only because I have the 2 cutest dogs in the world but because there are good things happening as well. Anyway...

1. My birthday, Meg's birthday, and Radha's birthday are all within 3 days of each other (like there aren't going to be plenty of festivities during THAT week)...

2. 5th grade band concert is in just a few weeks...

3. My walls are no longer all white and I have painting momentum...

4. I get to go home again for another visit with the family in mid March...

5. Both Wednesday and Sunday nights are gonna be so fun...

6. I have the hottest New Year's Eve date in the Abq metro area (which by the way includes Rio Rancho, Belen, Los Lunas, and the East Mountains) (and I'm gonna wear THAT shirt)...

7. I get to be a Labor & Delivery nurse in 6 hours...

moving on

At the end of every hard earned day
People find some reason to believe

Well, I'm still in the middle of hetox but I'm on the other side and I'm doing well. Apparently the chocolate I used to replace him has helped, and starting my new job this week was a positive distractor as well. It also works for me that I am somewhat in denial that he is actually gone and will be happy when he gets his head out of his ass and comes back. But hey, whatever gets me through the day, right?

Anyway...

Yesterday my preceptor, Jessica, who has only been a nurse for a year, calmly and flawlessly delivered our patient's baby when the midwife was unavailable while charting, taking care of the baby, baking brownies, reapplying her make-up, playing monopoly with her kids (and winning), myspacing, and solving world peace.

I love Labor and Delivery.

puppy love part deux

Now I get the "He is nothing but love in a rapidly growing furry body with sharp teeth" thing.

conversation of the decade

Sammie: Jason says I can never watch "Ellen" anymore cuz he thinks I have the hots for her.
Me: Do you have the hots for her?
Sammie: She is sooo cute.

apparently i'm really NOT fucked

So tonight at work the groovy nurse did handwriting analysis. (It was a slow night.) Apparently she can tell by the way we wrote one sentence if we had had sex in the past day or two. She was about 95% right.

I need to get a new talent. Cuz that is pretty amazing.

happy halloween!

How come the mummy had no friends?










Cuz he was all wrapped up in himself.