tales of jill and lisa part 2

You're the best friend
that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time

Lisa! So cool that you finally figured out how to post a comment to the blog. Now the party can finally start. Lisa is the coolest. You guys think I'm cool? Lisa is like me X 100,000,000,000 in the coolness department. And my bff since age 5.

I guess since you commented on my Florida trip (and yes, you should have been there), I should tell Florida stories. Remember when my grandpa yelled at us from the 6th floor condo deck, "Girls! If you keep laying out in the sun, they're not gonna let you sit in the front of the bus!" (Oy.) But also...who were those guys that took us out on their boat from Longboat Key to a deserted island and then to a hot tub somewhere? And remember when Robert Mandel and Steve Wiviott were there and we all hung out and they lost their keys on Clearwater Beach at night and they ended up having to sleep over? And once and for all, can you please explain to me why on every trip you took a picture of me semi-clothed in the bathroom? I still have them all. Oh god, that means you do too.

Come with me next year! We'll take all 5 kids. How fucking fun would that be.

Anyway, hi Lisa. I miss you. I love you. I know I didn't come to Milwaukee as promised, but I promise I'll come soon when the bambino arrives. But I need lots of alcohol and other reinforcements to deal with Nat.

Quote of the day: "I just want a cross between a Jedi and a pirate. Is that so much to ask for in a man?" ---my fellow extern friend Ari, on her male companion expectations

oh wait, i almost forgot...a message for the baby daddy

I was kidding when I said it was your turn to clean the bathroom, but I had the most sparkly shower this morning. How awesome to wake up to that. Thank you!

shattered

Shattered, shattered
Love and hope and sex and dreams
Are still surviving on the street
Look at me, Im in tatters
Im a shattered
Shattered

As if sitting at Winning's today with Colin and Katie discussing disappointment, lost love, and boredom, and shooing away flies and people begging for change and smokes wasn't enough to make my heart heavy, I stop to get my weekly news fix and find that my utopian view of the world has been shattered further by this news. Mel Gibson: no longer sex symbol, now dumbass.

When I said today to shoot me if I ever became known as the crazy coffee shop baristee, please also shoot me if I ever end up on the CNN homepage for getting a DWI. Did I mention he's a dumbass?

Also, if I'm ever sitting on a street corner playing old folk songs from my Rise Up Singing songbook, haul my ass off to any place where there's a cage and feed me, water me, and shoot me up with antipsychotics until I regain my sanity. (Unless it is "On Top of Spaghetti." Cuz when I was in 2nd grade, Sheryl Selby and I sat on big red rubber balls and covered ourselves with jumpropes and sang that song and won the damn talent show. So...)

KT...hang in there. What's that saying...when you got lemons, make lemonade? Or when someone slams a door in your face there's always an open window close by through which you can escape? (I know that's wrong...I'm an Old Testament kinda girl.)

Colin...if you ask me to run away with you one more time, I just might, even though astrologically we are as incompatible as shaved heads and fake ta-tas. But sailing off to Alaska or fleeing to hot springs in Colorado both sound oh so nice right now...

there's no place like home but i kinda wish home was on a beach

So I'm home from Florida. Thank god I had a night with my girlfriends so I could be reminded that there are normal, awesome people who actually just love me. Long week after a visit with my mother. Hard trip. Nice to be home.

On Sunday I sat on the shores of Longboat Key, where my dad's parents lived during the winter for 20 years. My bff Lisa or my sister and I used to go there for winter and spring break and it was so lively and beautiful. This time it seemed so desolate and lonely, yet I could have stayed there forever soaking up the sun, the salty air, and the energy from all the good memories. It's weird when people who were a huge part of your life are just gone and everything changes. It almost feels like none of it really happened.

While I was gone I exchanged upwards of 400 text messages with a seemingly cosmopolitan friend of mine from whom I couldn't tear myself away. I'd send him pictures from my phone from wherever I was and he could have just written back, "same gulf, different beach, Jill" but he would write back and tell me how lucky I was to be there. Yeah, lucky that no shark or stray gator had bitten off my limbs, or that I hadn't run into any ex-convicts who might cut me up in a million pieces and hide my body in a box spring.

Truth is...I guess that probably could have happened, cuz I met a guy in Clearwater Beach. Seemed cool, good sense of humor, some tats (although not as cool or colorful as mine), but a nice guy. Spent the evening eating sushi and drinking wine on the beach. I should have known he was full of shit when he kept insisting he was seeing shooting stars that weren't there, and looking back, I think we talked about him 80% of the time...anyway, around 45 minutes into Sunday morning he turned into an asshole. I guess he did me a favor...at least I found out he was an asshole before I put too much time into him. But still...

I got to fly first class home, and from Dallas to Albuquerque I had the most spiritual and uplifting conversation with Sister Agnes of the Franciscan Diocese. We talked about everything from the fucked up bastard I met on Clearwater Beach to why women will never be priests to what it's like handing a newborn baby to its mom and watching them bond to how she felt about not being able to have sex (yes, I asked). Then on my way home the bulletin board at the church by my house said, "Eternal perspective makes the difference," which is basically what her whole message was. Divine. She would have said that was an angel.

Oh, and I drove over this bridge. By the time I realized it was there, I had no choice, so it was like bridge coercion. But thankfully it all worked out ok in the end.

incommunicado?

One thing my sister taught me when we were younger is that I should tell people how I feel about them. So I just tell people the good stuff (for the most part) and I teach my kids that by example. Ok, I know it might seem ridiculous to walk up to someone and tell them they look beautiful in what they're wearing, but hey, think of how you would feel if some random stranger said that to you. Well, saying it feels just as good.

And maybe we should be able to just tell each other all of it...the good, the bad, the ugly. Fuck you if you don't like it that I think your shirt is ugly, or that you really need a haircut. Once you change your shirt and cut your hair, I'll tell you how great you look, you'll be walking around thinking you're hot shit, and all will be forgiven.

Have you ever had a "thing" with someone where they've made it clear that when you say certain things they want to run away, so you're really careful but then suddenly one day you realize you have a whole bunch of things to say and you can't because you know you'll push them away and you don't want to? I wish people would just let us say what we need to unload without getting all weirded out about it.

And then...out of the blue...that person says something so profound and heartfelt that wipes away all your questions and your doubts, and you forget everything...

bad car-ma

Some asshole stole my license plate! Right off my car in the Lomas garage. And not just the license plate, but my UW Badgers license plate holder. And to add insult to injury, I JUST put my 2007 sticker on yesterday.

The cop I filed the report with was cool...asked if I wanted to go watch the video cameras with him (to which I replied no) and asked if I would go to court with him when he had to prosecute them and agree that they were "bad guys who ruined my morning."

Weird! Fine. I have new plates, and they got wolves on them. Hopefully that'll scare people away.

post-slumber thoughts

Ok, so I'm thinking that I'm pretty much there for people when they need me and I don't really just bail on people unless they use me for illegal acquisitions like cocaine or they try to kill me. So I don't think I'm doing the pot/kettle/black/sticky thing writing this.

But...I can't deal with people who try to get into an elevator before the people in the elevator can get out. Rude. I'm also pissed off at people who I get really close to and then they blow me off when something better comes along, then come back months later and expect me to just pick up where we left off, and then be all obnoxious when I say no way, nuh uh. I might have to change my cell phone number.

Some people are selfish fucks. Don't any of you be that way or I'll kill you.

my freak-out factor #2

Babies that are tachycardic and sweaty and have intense tremors and cannot stop crying because they are withdrawing from narcotics and nicotine a few hours after birth and have to start taking methadone when they are 6 hours old freak me out. Well, the babies don't necessarily freak me out; the parents do. Also, asshole fathers who tell their wives, "stop whining about your pain and hold your son" after a crash section need to go to hell. Besides making root beer floats on the down-low and turning off all the lights in the nursery except for the Pyxus and comparing weird stories about violent, stalker ex-boyfriends (which we all had, interestingly enough), it was not a fun night.

I'm far from the perfect mother, but I can honestly say that all my babies were withdrawing from after their entrance to that hospital in California was sauteed tofu, nutritional yeast gravy, brussels sprouts with bbq sauce, and KFC cole slaw, so it's just out of my comfort zone. And look...they seem to have gotten through it. (They both love tofu and gravy, but hate KFC cole slaw, and Zack loves brussels sprouts, btw.)

I'm now going to play solitaire online til I fall asleep. Hope everyone's well.