the blue "panties"

So there's this old Frankel family tradition (actually, it's a Sternberg family tradition, coming from my grandma's side of the family) that when you need any kind of luck (job interview, test, American Idol audition, whatever) you're supposed to wear blue underwear. Every time I talked to my grandma and I said something like, "I have a test tomorrow" she'd say, "Don't forget to wear blue underwear, Jilly."

So like being the completely superstitious person that I am, I have ALWAYS worn blue underwear whenever I needed some kind of luck.

Back in 2003 I was taking chemistry. And I was getting ready for school on the day of an exam and I tore my drawer apart looking for blue underwear, and there were none. So Zack comes in my room armed with a blue Sharpie, looks at the white underwear I've put on, and writes "GOOD LUCK" on my ass (it's cool, I was fully clothed...he just wrote it on the top part).

I wear those underwear to every test, job interview, and American Idol audition I attend. In fact, my whole family wears blue underwear (sort of) whenever we all need luck. The conversation this morning at the breakfast table:

Me: I have this stupid test today. Is anyone else wearing blue underwear?
Zack: I am!
Exhub: I wore some yesterday for you!
Michaela: I'm not wearing blue underwear but I'm wearing blue pants!
Ursy: Woof (that means "I don't wear underwear but I'll be your most perfect, best friend forever anyway" in dogspeak.)

So that's the blue underwear thing.

Quote of the day: "How would you get your legs in without them?" (or something like that) ---Colin, when I said the underwear had to go as soon as I was done with nursing school cuz they have holes.

the hussy

So I'm taking the HESI tomorrow morning at 9:00. And there is no chocolate. But someday I just know I will no longer have test anxiety...

(Enter dream sequence...) I shall waltz in at 1 minute before the hour with my crisply sharpened pencil after 8 hours of deep sleep, with my beautifully coifed hair, (perhaps in a scrunchy), my perfectly applied lipstick, and my designer coffee and respond to all the questions correctly, changing no answers and feeling not one ounce of nausea.

Until then...I'll be wearing blue underwear. Think good thoughts.

more outrageosity

So if I was an asshole and actually blogged asshole emails that people send me, I would cut and paste here and then blog the crap out of my father. I won't, though. Well, cut and paste, that is.

Even though it's going to be a communal graduation party including family and friends of 5 of us, my father confirmed today that after a lot of soul searching, he will for sure not be attending my graduation from nursing school because he doesn't wanna hang out with my mom. Cuz they've only been divorced for 27 years, so the wounds are all like still all fresh and new.

Come on.

For those of you jillyblahg subscribers who have kids...don't fucking miss their graduation. Just don't.

my latest guilty pleasure

I'd rather not be perceived as maundering aimlessly in this medium, nor is it my goal to conflate useless ponderings with very pertinent issues. But for the gadabouts who read here, I must inform you...

While it is totally offensive and not appropriate for 9 year-olds, I can't turn this off. 4-7 on 96.3. Other times in other places. Check the listings, and thank me later.

I hope my English is better in this post. I am striving to excel. No, I am endeavoring to exceed.

eternal sunshine of the spotless energy field

So this morning at the hospital I talked to this woman who works days on our floor who is a Reiki Master and also does "spiritual work." She believes that people's energy can be exorcised from your inner being and your bigger picture.

I think it might be easier (and quicker)(and more painless)(for me, at least, if I was looking into this) to hire a hitman. But I'm so intrigued.

Quote of the day today: "Lately I've been checking my new kitten's testicles to see if they're descended. He likes it. All men are the same." ---Whitny, a grad nurse on our floor.

Quote of the day yesterday: "Wow, Mommy. The tooth fairy paid me $5 for having morals." ---Zack, meaning molars, after he lost his first one and found a stash under his pillow...

the wipers on the bus go swish swish swish

Today on my way home from the hospital I saw a man on Zuni in between San Pedro and San Pablo sitting in his car in broad daylight pleasuring himself. I'm glad I wasn't on the Rapid Ride and I was able to just drive on by.

People are ballsy.

the wheels on the bus go round and round...

So today at the hospital I got to have breakfast (we have catered breakfasts or potlucks every day apparently) with a manager from the Rapid Ride. Which was really fucking cool cuz I got to ask him all kinds of questions. Like, I asked if they ever get people riding naked, and he said that usually happens on the city buses. Then I asked him if they could install wifi not just on the buses but at the bus STOPS so that we could access it from the Frontier and hang out and study there all night while purchasing nothing and just drinking bubbler water. He said no. Then I told him that I really liked the interactive signs at the stops that say, "The bus will arrive soon" but that I thought they should say other things. Like:

Look to your left! Here comes the bus! or
Your bus driver is having a cigarette break 3 blocks up but will be here soon... or
Hey, look! There's the bus! Just kidding... or
You might as well have a seat...everything is running late... or
Don't go anywhere, your bus driver is really hot... or
HA HA...loser...you just missed your bus... or
Did you drop something? or
Your fly is open... or
Knock knock... or
The wheels on the bus go round and round...

Or any number of things. Come on, people would think that was funny and it would lighten their hectic morning commute. I'm sure everyone is sick of the same "The bus will arrive in X minutes." Then I suggested they scroll basketball scores and news headlines. He offered me more fruit and a job as Rapid Ride's comedic liaison.

So I'm seriously considering a new line of work.

dim sum? well, dim lights...

Ok they gotta keep the lights dim so you can't really see what you're eating. Colin introduced the 9 year-olds and me to dim sum tonight. The shrimp was good. The pork was um pork. The beef balls were apparently cow testicles. The gut gluggers were yummy but then I just got full. The shark fin (below) weirded me out (it might have been the pork inside), and watching Colin and Zack suck on chicken feet (way below) and spit out the bones made me realize that boys are just really, really gross. Even so, Colin...thanks. Is there anything you WON'T eat?

on women and men

Right now Zack and I are eating blood oranges and watching the State of the Union. And while I believe that everything W says is either a lie or an outrage, it is really cool that he got to say "Madam Speaker." Way to go, Nancy Pelosi. I'm sure San Francisco misses you.

So then I had to explain to Zack why a woman has never been speaker before and why we've never had a female president and he said, "Well that's stupid, Mommy. You run the house better than any man could." (Sorry exhub.) And DUH.

And as Zack is saying all this, I realize that he's actually really disgusting in some ways (I'll not elaborate here to save him from embarrassment but let's just say even Ursy left the room) and that Michaela is actually really not disgusting for the most part. (Although, then she showed me what it looks like when her Tamagachi poops and how the pooper scooper works.)

I'm not really worried about what Michaela is gonna be like when she grows up. She could be president for sure. But Zack...all I want to do is make sure he grows up to be like one or all of my 4 favorite men (just in case you don't know who you are - one lives with me, one eats sushi with me, one is a twin and lives too far away, and one is actually mad at me at the moment for not leaving well enough alone...sorry) and not end up being the kind of man that contributes to the fact that it's 2007 and the president has just said, for the first time, "Madam Speaker."

Quote of the day: "Yes, I shall buy you ginormous, lavish gifts until I divorce you and take 75% of everything you own." ---Ari, to Hank, on being Jewish...

san mateo

I want to remember this....so what better way?

5:3 Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
5:4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5:5 Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
5:6 Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
5:7 Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
5:10 Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
5:11 Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

saturday night's all right for fighting part 1

Quote of the day: "No, this is actually my third rock concert. I saw Indigo Girls and then we saw ourselves play at our band concert. There were some really loud drums there." ---Zack, about the upcoming Elton John show.

death becomes us

When my grandfather, an amazingly soulful and humanistic man, was on his deathbed, I was there with him. I had never seen him so helpless; he was an incredible rabbi full of life and idealism. I was sitting in the hospital reading The Red Tent to him and after days of unresponsiveness, he opened his eyes, turned to me, and we had a conversation.

My grandpa: Jilly
Me: Yes Gags?
G: What year is it?
Me: It's 2001.
G: Am I dying?
Me: I think so.
G: You need to do this for a living.
Me: What, make books on tape?
G (in full rabbi mode): No...help people die. It can be a very spiritual and beautiful transition, but many people are scared of it. They need to know that it doesn't have to be scary.
Me: You're not scared?
G: No, you're here.
Me: I can't go with you though.
G: There's someone on the other side who will do what you're doing here.
Me: (speechless)
G: Do this for a living. Promise me.
Me: Ok, I promise.

Soon after that conversation he died, and of course I had no choice but to keep my promise or I figured lightning would strike me or something. Several years later as a nursing student I lost a few patients and decided that people being born were way more fun (and smelled better) than people dying.

Then last semester I was working in oncology at the VA. I had a patient on the palliative care floor who was in the same state of consciousness as my grandpa. His wife and I spent a significant amount of time talking as we stood on either side of him, supporting him, because standing up was the only way he could breathe and sleep. At one point he came out of his comatose state and told me he was so glad I was there with him. He died the next night, after I begged someone relentlessly to put him into terminal sedation (she did).

I think there can be something so beautiful and peaceful about death. I also think that some higher power puts us in places at the right time just to show us our worth or puts things into perspective or just let us have a special experience. We can't save people who are meant to die...not even with CPR. But if we can be with them during their last moments and lend a hand, read to them, make them comfortable, make them warm with a blanket, talk to them, make sure they know they're not alone...what better gift is there for anyone involved?

As I was writing this blog, there was a Dr. Heart on 4 South. May that patient rest in peace, and may they have had a caring person at their side helping them go.

justifying my blog...

Apparently my reference to the "mean blog" is causing some riotous behavior and uneasy feelings. So I'm gonna try to set the record straight.

1. A few months ago I wrote a blog and erased half of it because I decided it was too sad and way too personal. The person who I wrote it about actually read it before I erased it and then told me he was boycotting my blog because I was lacking creative integrity so I vowed to never erase another blog. And I have not.

2. The "mean blog" was never, ever meant to be mean. I don't know how it even got classified as mean. A couple people have asked, "did you write that because of me?" and no, I didn't. It was just a thought after a conversation with a friend, that's it. All I was saying here is that I would never write a mean blog about anyone, or purposely make anyone feel bad on my blog. Unless you happen to be my mother on a bad day.

3. When I write blogs, I will address you by name. I will say, "Katie" or "Colin" or "Gary" or "Lisa" or whoever. One of my friends has requested that I not use his name in my blog (or he'll have to kill me) so I don't. And I blog him a lot, and he knows it.

4. I am really a peaceful person. I spend the majority of time doing fun things with my friends or with my 9 year-olds. I am NOT out to hurt anyone. I am not vindictive. I'm idealistic and hopeful and when I find pennies (heads up, of course) or see a shooting star or fold a crane or blow out candles or have a stray eyelash, I usually wish for everyone to be happy and healthy and successful in whatever they do, unless I have an exam that day or have just done a pregnancy test that I really hope is negative or something like that. (Ha ha. That's a joke....)

If anyone who reads this has anything they want to say to me or is wondering anything about me, just ask. I'm all about coffee and good conversation, and I'm willing to have it with pretty much anyone.

Peace.

plus...

Besides really dumb people and my parents, would I really write a mean blog to anyone? Never. (I shall even refrain, if only for today, from blogging my father, who is now just as blog-worthy as my mother. Ugh.)

Anyway, my blogs are introspective - sometimes inspired by happenings with my friends in my daily life, sometimes by things my kids do, sometimes by conversations with a long distance friend who makes me think. I'm not out to harm anyone or make anyone feel bad.

Myspace sucks.

Ok...now...6 hours after I left work, 4 hours after a horrific 2 hour phone conversation with my mother and 1.5 hours after returning home from Colin's, I'm going to watch Michigan State beat Illinois, and then I'm going to sleep.

This too shall pass.

a haiku for colin

I love you Colin
There's nothing you can do to
Make me change my mind

Ok?

it's times like this i wish i had cable...

I've been lying in bed for like 3 hours thinking about love and soulmates and (im)possibilities after a conversation that just couldn't be resolved. I wish I was the great and powerful Wizard of Oz and I had all the solutions to life's problems in a big velvet bag and I could just hand them out one by one. (I really mean that, even though this website says I'm 60% evil. Fijase.)

We just can't pick who we become attached to. Fortunately - cuz think of all the cool stuff we'd potentially miss out on. But sometimes the people we least expect to hurt us are reckless with our hearts. It's a hard thing to learn. One time Ari and I were talking about break-ups and I said my heart had been broken pretty badly once and she said her heart had been ripped out, broken into a million pieces, stepped on, and thrown against a brick wall. Maybe it all just doesn't get wrapped up into a neat little package like in the last episode of "Sex and the City."

But if I could pull anything out of my wizard's sack, it would be whatever pile of things would make everyone blissful, including Howard Mierzwiak's business card. And I'll gladly transport you to his office; my new car handles 2 feet of snow nicely.

And when it all seems so horrible that you don't know what to do next, drinking outrageous amounts of alcohol and singing unrequited love songs at karaoke does really help.

Text message of the day: "Cu." ---Katie, responding to my "Where are you anyway?" text message, letting me know she was at the Copper Lounge.

let the bowl games begin...

FUCK EM BUCKY!

my new year's offering

It is an old Japanese legend that if you fold a thousand cranes your wish will come true. This legend became famous in the 1940s when a young Japanese girl, diagnosed at age 11 with leukemia, decided to fold 1000 cranes so she could make a wish. Unfortunately, she died before she reached her goal, but her friends finished the remaining cranes for her and buried her with them.

About a month ago my life seemed crappy for about 7 reasons, and I decided I was going to fold 1000 cranes so that any wish I made would be granted. It's actually a much more tedious (and expensive) job than I thought it would be, but thank goodness I work the 12.5 hour night shift. I've got about 400 done. And I've found that it has become quite meditative and relaxing. And it is an amazingly beautiful sight when hundreds of colorful cranes are hanging in a sunny window.

I thought when I first started doing it that my wish would be selfish...not anything that would hurt anyone else, of course, just something that would benefit me. But now I'm making cranes for a friend who is a 2-time cancer survivor and who is - unfairly - facing it once again.

One of my real new year's resolutions is to try and be positive even when things seem hopeless. So besides my thousand cranes, here's my mantra for this friend...

Unlike baseball and felonies, it is not 3 strikes you're out...it is 3 times a charm.

Peace to all of you who read this. And happy new year.