quote of the day

"Hey Jill, wanna see my table? It's big..." ---Nathan from work.

Ummmmmmm.....

wtf?

So on my way home from dinner tonight with my dad I realized the clouds were getting much blacker with every passing minute. I got home and it started pouring...local news says it's a thunderstorm warning with 50 mph winds, penny size hail, and torrential rain. Sigh. There's a leak in the fucking roof by the front door, and our front yard is covered in ice. Snow in June in Albuquerque. Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore...

When I first looked at this beer I thought the baby daddy bought Really Crappy Ale for our anniversary dinner. What the fuck?

New Rule: "Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it actually translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high." ---George Carlin...well, mine aren't in the crack of my ass, and I'm pretty sure they don't mean beef with broccoli. Maybe tofu and vegetables...

happy anniversary

Cherish the thought
Of always having you here by my side (oh baby I)
Cherish the joy
You keep bringing it into my life (Im always singing it)
Cherish your strength
You got the power to make me feel good (and baby I)
Perish the thought
Of ever leaving, I never would


So for various reasons for the past several weeks I've been pondering life and love and I've decided that until that Taurus-Aries/Leo Venus guy falls out of my dreams and into my car, I'm gonna just stick with the Leos I created and the Sagittarius that helped. And when I think back to when (and under what circumstances) they were created, I am reminded that while being married doesn't work for us, we really do love each other. Yesterday was the 17th anniversary of our first date and Monday would have been our 12th anniversary.

Our wedding was amazing...we got married in the beautiful and serene Umpqua Valley in Central Oregon, at my in-laws' farm. My grandfather married us, friends and family came from all over the country, everybody was completely drunk and stoned, the band got drunk and trashed someone's truck, the hippie caterers took off with all the money they owed the vendors (my mom and dad basically funded their spree), the weather was perfect, it was light out til 10:00 that night, and we all had a fabulous time.

And now here we are...over a decade later, still fighting but still hanging out, laughing our asses off together, raising our kids together, eating meals together, going to family reunions together. Yeah, it's untraditional, but it works for us. And hey...it beats NOT having someone hug and kiss me goodbye when I leave for work and school and tell me I'm beautiful and a wonderful mother on a daily basis. Life could be worse...

my freak-out factor

Gray babies who de-sat below 80% every time you remove the oxygen mask, have really shallow breaths, don't really bleed when you lance them, and don't really cry freak me out.

I'm going to bed.

Oh wait...on the Early Show, they're talking about the best places to retire, and guess what #1 is...Las Cruces. Wtf?

here's an optimistic thought...

When she wakes it seems so shady
She remembers she's a lady
Ah but could it be that maybe
She was having lots of fun
She sees she's wearing leather
In her navel there's a feather
She just has to crack a smile
And close her eyes, her prayer begun

Life I embrace you
I shall honor and disgrace you
Please forgive if I replace you
You see I'm going through some pain
But now I see clearly
And the dawn is coming nearly
And though I'm human and it's early
I swear I'll never forget again

An explorer he went wandering
To satisfy his pondering
Basically meandering
Unsure of what he'd find
Braving any danger
But to his family he's a stranger
And from time to time he turns around
And this runs through his mind

Life I embrace you
I shall honor and disgrace you
Please forgive if I replace you
You see I'm going through some pain
But now I see clearly
And the dawn is coming nearly
And though I'm human and it's early
I swear I'll never forget again

There's a multitude of story
Some is clean and some is gory
But there is no need to worry
If you're sold or if you're bought
We're just spinning on some granite
That we like to call a planet
And if you need to contemplate
Well here's an optimistic thought

Life I embrace you
I shall honor and disgrace you
Please forgive if I replace you
You see I'm going through some pain
But now I see clearly
And the dawn is coming nearly
And though I'm human and it's early
I swear I'll never forget again

A(nother) open letter to my sad friends:

I swear I'm gonna make you all cd's of this song and you can just play it over and over and over and over and push those pessimistic thoughts right out of your limbic system. Or I will come over and play it for you on my iPod OR my guitar. You let me know.

You guys (you know who you are) all need an optimistic thought. I won't get all into details here to protect the innocent, but this is why I've sworn off love. (Well, until I find the Taurus-Aries/Leo Venus guy, but like that's like finding an ice cube in hell, no?)

Anyway, I love you all...call me if you need me, come hang with me and my dog and my kids (who will treat you really well, lick you, and make you laugh), come crawl in my bed if you need to. I'm here.

Love,
Jill

once again, go mavs...

Quote of the night: "Boo yeah, Mommy, they're gonna win! They're up 2-0!" ---Zack, when I asked what the score of the basketball game was tonight.

I'm now wondering who taught my son "boo yeah" and if anyone else has ever heard the words "boo yeah" and "mommy" in the same sentence?

apparently i really am fucked

So last night I was at work and this groovy nurse practitioner who is all into astrology (way more than I am, obviously) reads my chart, turns to me with a horrific look on her face, and says:

Groovy nurse: Whoa...you're fucked.
Me: Huh?
GN: What kind of nurse do you want to be?
Me: I think hospice.
GN: No...you should be in the ER or the ICU.
Me: Huh?
GN: That is, IF you graduate...
Me: If?
GN: Yes, if...if you graduate. You're a Sagittarius and your Mercury is in Libra. You finish nothing, right?
Me: Hmmmm....
GN: You're flaky and irresponsible, right?
Me: Hmmmm....
GN: You'd rather have fun than accomplish tasks, right?
Me: Hmmmm....
GN: You'd rather stay home than work at all, right?
Me: Hmmmm....
GN: Your relationships fail because you get bored, right?
Me: Hmmmm....
GN: And even when you're IN a relationship, you're keeping your options open and looking around, right?
Me: Hmmmm....ok, that's not all true.
GN: Yes it is, but you keep telling yourself it's not.
Me: Ok, so what sign is good for me? How about Sagittarius?
GN: No...2 Sagittarians together get nothing done.
Me: Ok, well that's why I'm divorced, not in love with the violinist, and why St. Louis is the state of misery. How about Cancer?
GN: No no no! Water signs put out your fire. No Pisces, no Scorpio. You need a strong air sign...a Taurus...whose Venus is in Aries or Leo.
Me: (glazing over) Ok, I'll just start interviewing tomorrow...

So there it is. Then I send a text message to my friend who thinks I'm uncool and he invalidates the whole experience by saying, "You're too smart to believe that stuff, right?" Well no, I'm too smart to not at least consider it. And like I said, superstitious. So...

I'm not looking anyway...my mind is elsewhere and my heart has been stolen by some almost 9 year-olds. But if it ever happens for me again, I'll know whether it's possible or not as soon as I do his chart.

Quote of the week: "You mean my astronomical sign?" ---Dilan, at the stupid hospital training last week, when I asked her what her sign was...

where the hell are all my friends and what the hell am i doing up in the middle of the night?

I just got an email from Colin that made me teary. It might be because it's 4:36 am and we have yet to get a baby tonight since shift change and he's doing all kinds of cool and gross stuff and it would be so fun to be working on the oncology floor with him...oh wait, nevermind. I like it here better.

Anyway, save next Monday...my dad will be here and we must take him out for all you can eat sushi (which he hates, but he'll drink wine and eat teriyaki chicken) and Katie can throw food at him like she did last year.

Ok, I miss you. Thanks for thinking of me in the middle of the night.

hey nineteen

The cuervo gold
The fine columbian
Make tonight a wonderful thing

Ok, so since it's gay pride weekend, I thought I'd holla to anyone who's family and write another gay blog. I remember when I was in college the first time around and I worked at the Union and the 10% Society used to have their dances there. I asked my (flamingly gay) friend and Stiftskeller co-worker Steve once:

Me: What's the 10% society? (Come on, I was 19 and so uncool...)
Steve: It's a club for queens, babygirl.
Me: (Thinking that the queens were somehow related to the Jewish American Princesses with whom I was so familiar) What's with the 10%? An interest rate?
Steve: 10% of the population is a queen, baby. Or a dyke.
Me: (Lightbulb going on) Ahhh. Really? 10%? (Looking around at maybe 30 people in the Stift, doing the math...)
Steve: Probably more men than that getting sweet honey out of the rock.
Me: Women belong too?
Steve: Yes ma'am.
Me: (Clearing throat, jappily innocent) Ok, next time you see a lesbian will you point her out? I've never seen one.
Steve: (Rolling eyes) Yes girlfriend...I can even set you up with Bunny, my good friend who rolls her own and rides a Harley...

He totally opened up my world to fabulous gay people, and he didn't care that I was young and ignorant and jappy (see #2) as hell. Anyway, obviously I came around (and out and then back in again, but still). I went to the parade once in San Francisco with my ex. But I don't look gay, and in fact, at a gay pride parade, you'd think that I would blend into the woodwork since everyone looks different, but I stuck out like a jap on a pig farm.

Interesting thing I learned about myself today: Today I was told (several times) that I'm uncool (like I don't already know that, and doesn't that picture up there of me at age 19 kinda confirm that?). But just the fact that someone would take the time to make sure I knew I was uncool is cool enough for me. So thanks. And bon voyage.

Quote of the day: God have mercy on the woman who is friends with, in love with, hanging out with, or in any way involved with the man who doubts what he's sure of. ---the Boss, sort of...

on a brighter note...

Ashe blogged clowns!

the dog blog

Katie and I hung out tonight with the almost 9 year-olds (who were driving me crazy) and the 3 dogs (who were also driving me crazy). What a load of crap the past couple of days have been. For the past 30 hours I have subsisted on coffee and cigarettes and almost no sleep. And apparently they are making smokes shorter these days cuz when I opened them up I realized they're like a model of a real cigarette...and they're called "Marlboro 72's." What the fuck is up with that? I'll be happier when I get used to the night shift and when somebody invents some food that actually sounds appetizing. Even spicy tuna sounds disgusting right now.

I decided that it might just be really cool to be a dog...a cute dog, like Ursy. I would just be happy all the time as long as someone gave me food and water and a walk every day. I wouldn't take it personally when people were mean to me or didn't have time to hang out with me. I could be completely relaxed without Jack Daniels or Vicodin and I could just curl up and go to sleep whenever and wherever the hell I want. All I'd need is a tennis ball, a squeaky bunny, and a sick bone and I'm good to go.

Of course, as soon as I pee on the carpet or chew up a pillow, some ass clown will probably just drop me off on the side of the highway or at the fucking pound, but whatever. Beats being human and having a fucking heart.

i'm not scared of much but i'm scared to death of clowns

Conversation of the day:

Katie: I felt like a clown.
Me: Did you wear your wig and your big red nose and your floppy shoes?

Ewwww. Now I need to think about puppies and kittens and rainbows and shiny happy people. Krusty is cool though...I'm not afraid of him.

Now ass clowns...they're a whole different breed. And a whole nother blog.

dwjf iso sudoku junkies...

My name is Jill F. and I'm addicted to Sudoku. Shit. I've stayed away from it this long, but one night everyone in the newborn nursery was playing and I thought I'll just try one and see. Sounds like what a heroin addict would say, no? Anyway, thank god I found Sudoku cuz my longtime online cribbage/dominoes bud has gone on the game-playing wagon. Fine. If work or sleep or whatever is more important to people, I'll find my own online games that don't require partners.

Really I'm more of a Cryptic Crossword type girl, but the number thing is fun too. I can't believe how much more my mind is being stimulated by these games than by nursing school. I love summer break.

So, here I am at 5:30 am playing Sudoku cuz now I'm on night shift time and I keep having these weird dreams about babies being born and people wearing really silly camouflage pajamas. I woke up at 4 am and I had absolutely no idea who I was. That's the thing about working nights...I've been asking people for days, "What day is it?" because I sincerely don't know. Anyway, the shift differential is gonna make up for all that, I'm sure of it.

Just to clarify Katie's Bruce blog, it's true, I am NOT a member of AARP. I am young and vibrant and wrinkle-free. And besides Katie, I was the youngest person at that concert. Actually, we were the youngest people in Phoenix, I bet.

Cool thing I figured out yesterday: The bunny is complex. If you think something's wrong with it (like that it's broken or that half of it doesn't work), just change the batteries. It's like Hanukah all over again.

go mavs

So my nurse extern job is cool. When I get my first real paycheck it'll be even cooler. So yes Colin, you're on for CSNY. But instead of Los Angeles, how about 7/20 at Red Rocks?

The patients we deal with at work are somewhat frightening...patients who have 5 kids at age 22, who have all kinds of STDs, who hide drugs in orifices of their bodies from where babies have just come out, who give birth in the lobby because they "didn't realize they were contractions." Ok, but did you realize your water broke? Or that you were pushing? In fact, did you even know you were pregnant? I guess I shouldn't be so judgmental...apparently even new parents among the elite lack baby sense sometimes.

Check out this sick tattoo. Click on the picture and look closely (if you're a Star Wars fan, that is). This woman was in line in front of me at the 24-hour hospital Subway the other night. By the way, what the fuck is up with that? There are a lot of people in the hospital all night long...doctors, nurses, other staff, visitors, patients...the cafeteria closes at 10:00 pm and doesn't reopen til 4:00 am. Luckily, you can get a Subway sandwich all night long, but there is nowhere in or around the hospital where you can get a cup of coffee. Bad planning on someone's part, that's for sure.

Great conversation of the day (Anthony and Mercedes are neighbor kids):
Me: So Zack, Anthony came by today looking for you...he wanted to have a lightsaber fight
Zack: I'll take his head off when we get home.
Michaela: I'm sick of these boy games. I'll be really happy when Mercedes gets home.
Me: Where is she?
Michaela: She's at camp.
Me: Where?
Michaela: In Oklahoma.
Me: What kind of camp?
Zack: The kind of camp where you don't see your parents for a week.

Other great conversation of the day: I can't blog it. But it's filed in the "don't ever delete" folder. Thanks. Someday I will write the blog of Vincent and Mia, but not today...

free marshall rosenberg!

So does anyone read their Salud email anymore? Today in my inbox was a message about a talk by our old friend entitled "Giraffes Around the World." Although I'm sure his talk will be as riveting as his book, I'm not going unless he really is in prison and this is a protest in support of his speedy and peaceful release.

America's Funniest Videos is really funny. We are all laughing so hard we're crying. Marshall Rosenberg, however, would not like it since some of it is pretty violent.

Quote of the day: "Independence is an illusion." ---Marshall B. Rosenberg

Haiku of the month:

It's a girl my lord
with cavernous cleavage.
Oh....Holbrook....nevermind.

I love it when my tales of roadtripping inspire the muse...

catching up

Ok, I guess I have to blog this just so I remember it when I read the blog archives several years down the road...

Our Phoenix adventure was fun...Katie and I stood on the corner in Winslow, Arizona after meeting scads of really, really nice people in Holbrook. (Bad event #1: Katie left her purse in the restaurant, but retrieved it.) When we finally got to Phoenix (it truly was 112 degrees, btw), we stopped at an AM/PM to find out where we should stay. The guy directs us to a hotel 5 exits up the highway and then another several miles through town. We get within a few miles of the hotel and Katie says, "Where are the tickets?" So we pull into a parking lot, scour the car, come up with nothing, and drive back to the AM/PM. (Bad event #2: Katie throws the tickets in the trash.)

We got to our room about an hour before the show started, and it was really nice. We both (independently) tried to steal these pots but can you believe they were secured to the furniture?

Anyway, the show was amazing, (except for bad event #3: the piped-in music they played before the show) everyone should go see Bruce Springsteen if you haven't yet (and buy me a ticket, I'll pay you back and I'll drive). He played with a highly-trained 17-piece jugband and he is still way sexy.

You'll all be surprised to know that our shy friend actually got an entire arena of people chanting "Bruce" before the show, which was a feat in itself since we were the youngest people there (almost) and by the time he came on stage, it was like almost past most of their bedtimes.

Anyway, the drive was long but fun, and even though we almost drove to California to go to the ocean, it was a better decision to just drive right home. (I know that picture is fuzzy, I was going like 85 when I took it. But aren't our mountains pretty?) So...who are we roadtripping to see next? Colin, CSNY in LA? Blues Traveler at Red Rocks?

Most memorable conversation from the other day (I fail miserably sometimes as a mother of almost 9 year-olds):

Me: So I got to hold newborn babies all night...
Michaela: Awwwwww, how long do you get to keep them in the nursery?
Me: Well if the mom had a c-section, which is where they cut her belly open and take the babies out like they did with you guys, we get them for 24 hours.
Zack: What if they don't cut them out?
Me: We only get them for a few hours.
Zack: No, I mean how do they come out?
Me: They push them through the birth canal.
Zack: Well, how do you get them in there?
Me: You just do.
Zack: No I mean how did you get me and Michaela inside you?
Me: Daddy and I just said, "let's have some kids" and we did.
Zack: And then we just appeared?
Me: Yep.
Zack: Wow.

Later...Michaela comes in my room:

Michaela: Something's wrong, Mommy.
Me: What's up?
Michaela: I was thinking about how Zack and I got here...and I don't think you were telling us the whole story.
Me: Huh?
Michaela: It just doesn't really add up, Mommy.

FUCK.....

warning: mailing exotic animals is a felony...

Life has improved immensely since I figured out yesterday that extern boot camp is optional and that we can wear scrub dresses and t-shirts instead of scrub shirts to work in the Mother/Baby Unit. (Look at that link...you can get a free matching scrunchie. Fuck.) Anyway, thankfully I talked Katie (and Nathan, actually) into bailing on class today so we could resume doing nothing.

Our big errand (besides washing our cars) was going to the post office to mail a package. We were talking to the clerk about all the things you cannot send through the mail...

Clerk: One time someone tried to send a snake through the mail...they packed it in ice but it melted and made the box weak and the snake got out, so they had to chase it around the warehouse to catch it.
Us: What the fuck?
Clerk: Another time some guy sent an alligator to New York. It actually made it there, but then the alligator decided it had to go to the bathroom which weakened the box and the alligator got out.
Katie: Come on people...put a diaper on your alligator.

Ahhh. The highlight of the day. Thank god I start work on Monday. Until then, I might continue working on my line of animals made from cups. But that's a whole nother blog.

If anyone wants anything from Phoenix (or Winslow or wherever), let us know soon...we are leaving Saturday at 8 am. (Who wanted a t-shirt? Colin?)