self-discovered filmmaking tip #1

Did you all know Katie and I are making a movie? Exhub, we shall need your filmmaking expertise, for sure.

Anyway, here's what I discovered...if you need to film a murder scene in a shower, you can do it using chocolate cherry hair dye by L'Oreal. Very cool.

come on

So on my way home this morning, I was thinking...the semen thing seems to be a recurring theme for Adriana. Has anyone else noticed this? Last week in class she talked about why you should swallow. Yesterday in clinicals she talked about how it smells.

And actually, you had to be there yesterday cuz our clinical instructor (who is very awesome) took it really well, but some of the people in our group were SO grossed out, it was as if they'd never smelled it, or just the mere thought of smelling it was repulsive. Amazing to me but since this is technically a family blog, I won't elaborate.

In New Mexico, for those of you who don't know this or haven't noticed this, I've heard it often smells/tastes like green chili. It's like tofu...it takes on the flavor of what it's mixed with. Ahhh, ok, I'm done now.

Anyway, coming soon...Adriana will guest blog on the spit/swallow debate, in urban spanish.

Quote of the day: "Have you ever noticed that it smells just like semen?" ---Adriana, in post conference, about amniotic fluid.

before and after

And you've got to learn to live with what you can't rise above
if you want to ride on down in through this tunnel of love

Those are my only words of wisdom...you know who you are. (And when he comes to Albuquerque for our graduation party, he can tell you that himself.)

Zack and I were looking at pictures and he told me to blog before and after pictures. I said, "before and after what?" and he said, "before you look really young, and after you look really old." Gotta love an honest kid. Next time I'll do the before and after Michaela and me pictures, although in the only recent one I can find I appear to have the most Jewish of all noses. It's cuz of the angle.

Today I found out that my nun name is Santa Juliana Maria Concepcion something something something. Someone needs to call my voicemail (that would be you, Adriana) and translate what the hell you're saying. The rest of you...call my voicemail if you wanna hear my nun name in impeccably sexy espanol cuz I can't say it or spell it.

Oh...maybe Zack said I look old here because we both look dead.

I hope everyone enjoys clinicals tomorrow, or just a regular day on the job, or whatever it is you're doing.

Ciao.

i need a googlectomy

I'm at the coffee shop (supposedly) studying, but I've been side-tracked by my computer. Certain people who I know who shall remain nameless but may be perfect candidates for the "My name is so-and-so and I am a Myspace-a-holic" club have recently put the idea into my head that googling ex boyfriends could be really fun. The problem is, there are 1 of 3 possible outcomes:

1. You find them and they're really hot and then you wanna go FIND them...

2. You find them and they're hideously ugly and you wonder how much acid you must have been taking to find them attractive

3. You can't actually find anything about them and it drives you a bit nuts.

So anyway, here's what I've found so far tonight:

My childhood defining guy is married and has lost most of his hair, my on again off again high school guy is an attorney who represents famous people (famous, like Faith Hill and Creed), and the 18th birthday fiasco guy is out of prison and has his MBA. I'm gonna stop here. I'm afraid to keep looking.

Coming soon...Jill, in her boredom, googles college boyfriends.

Poem of the day, in reference to the post below:

they wear shirts that are bluish
these twins they are Jewish

Again, I love when my blog inspires the muse...

fall ball

I was going to write some Dr. Seuss-ish type poem about all my small kids in the hall getting ready for fall ball and having their picture taken against a tall wall but I decided to just post this picture instead.

Quote of the day: "You know, Pat Robinson, from the double-O 7 Christian channel on t.v." ---Nathan, talking about Pat Robertson, from the 700 Club.

a kid in a candy store

How cute is this picture? Adriana brought Nathan cereal from Colombia, and look how excited he is. This picture is real...taken after she put it in his hands, right when he opened his eyes. So sweet. It's so fun to give people things when they appreciate it as much as this.

And, apparently all we need to do to make Nathan happy is give him cereal.

More love, more cereal.

when did childbirth become sexy?

Our instructor (who is awesome) said something earlier about how the baby, placenta, and amniotic fluid add a significant amount of weight to a pregnant woman.

MW: Guys, be lucky that you never grow something that big.
Me: Unfortunately.
Katie: OH MY GOD JILL.
Me: Huh?
Katie: I thought you were talking about something else...

Come on. That is so dirty. And the swallowing thing? My virgin ears cannot take this...

Picture of the day: Kidneys putting out. (Drawing by Katie)














I'm glad I didn't have to star in that video. Oy.

Quote of the day: "Can we get back to breasts now?" Oh my god I need a beer.

what the fuck?????

Ok, I'm jaded and cynical tonight. I'm so annoyed at that dumb movie, my house is a mess, I'm in hell with a good friend, and I had to see a bunch of people today that I basically have to see every day for the next 16 weeks. Ok, the good friend hell deal is really weighing on me. Not enjoying that shit at all.

This was the typical conversation of the day:

Anyone: Jill...it's so good to see you!
Me: (Insert name)...you too. How was your summer?
Anyone: Good...I worked in the (enter name of) unit as an extern. You?
Me: Yeah...Mother/Baby. It was cool.
Anyone: Wow...you cut off all your hair.
Me: Yep.
Anyone: Wow...I looooved your long hair.

FUCK YOU. Do you know how many times I wanted to respond with "Damn girlfriend you are wearing way too much make-up" or "My god that outfit is hideous" or "Shit, didn't you get out in the sun for like a minute this summer? you look so pale" or "Oh come on...you're working as an extern now. Like you can't afford to buy clothes that actually cover up the rest of your stomach and back?"

I need to start being that honest. Although, sometimes honesty isn't the best policy..

Quote of the other day: "You can't be in love, you're not married." ---Michaela...where the fuck did she get that?

a whole bunch of random shit

Yesterday late in the afternoon on a whim Katie and I decided to just drive. We were gonna go to Santa Fe but when we got there we decided to go to Taos. But when we got to Taos we decided to drive up to Cimarron, a little mountain town hundreds of miles from home to visit the boy scout camp where she used to (ahem) work. So 9 hours and 455 miles later, it was a much needed getaway after an exhausting weekend.

School started today. This morning's class was fine...but the evening class. Ugh. Thank god we at least get to do another play since our last one was such a big hit. We should hurry up and pick a topic, and maybe we can have someone videotape it for us with sock puppets like our other as-of-yet unmade rock opera about our adventures to New York City. Oh...one nice thing about school...I like being done mid-April instead of mid-May. No complaints here whatsoever.

Here's a picture of Gary and his son, Evan, who was born on the 4th of July. Gary is one of my all-time bff's from way back in Cali, and now he's enjoying the blahg. Thanks for the pictures (finally, although...ok, I found your email in my other email account that I never really look at. Oops.). Miss you a lot. Hi to Shan and Callie. Don't let Callie read the blahg.

Ok, this isn't funny, I'm in a bad mood, and I have nothing else to say. So I'm out.

Quote of the day: "I drive a school bus." ---what a dumb fucking movie.

an eyeful

I just spent a chunk of my afternoon on the phone with Katie as my kids were tantruming talking about fucked up people (which of course does not include us except for the fact that fucked up people fuck us up). And in the middle of a very serious conversation about life and love, Katie saw a man playing with himself while looking at porn next to the dumpster behind Winnings.

On a brighter note, starting on Monday Winnings will be open until 11 pm for those of us who want to study, or those of us who would rather jack off by the dumpster when it's dark out.

outrageosity

That is now a word; I just made it one. And Katie made "douchebaguerie." Unbelievably descriptive. And yesterday I told someone to "turn off the mean" and Katie says that's incredible and is going to start saying it all the time. Ok. Thanks for the flattery. Use it all you want, it's not copyrighted. (Hey, remember when I wrote "and then everything gets all fucked up" on a Patho exam? I don't why I just thought of that. But I digress...)

Anyway, here's not a blog per se but a list of outrageous things that people have said and done in the last few days. (And may I add that it is in an excellent format for those of you who may prefer my lists to block paragraphs, haikus, and phone calls.) Turning on the douchebaguerie. Here we go.

1. "I teach my kids that the right in religious means 'correct.' And the bible says that homosexuality is wrong, an abomination. That lifestyle is just against the laws of the bible. And I do not even want to hear about it." ---Lisa, the account administrator at Campfire, to me, as I was signing my kids up.

2. "I have 20,000 students to deal with! You think my job is easy?" ---Janet, the financial aid advisor, to Katie, when she inquired about her financial aid (obviously, she got nowhere).

3. It is 9:00 on Friday night and I just got a booty call. Fuck that. Call me when it's light out and invite me out for dinner. Don't expect me to come service you just cuz you're thinking about me. UGH.

4. One of the licensed nurses left me alone the other night to deal with a postpartum hemmorhage. I'm still having nightmares about that scene.

But, great conversation of the week:

(After our server con attitude at O'Niell's sat us last night...):

Me: Can we smoke in this section?
Server: Of course you can smoke! This is America, you can smoke anywhere you want! (Although, apparently we were in a non-smoking section cuz then she made us move to the other side of the patio and called our old table Communist China.)
Me and Katie: Cooooooooool.
Server: What do you want to drink?
Katie: Sierra Nevada Pale Ale.
Me: Do you have any good wine?
Server: No. We have crap like Yellowtail.
Me: Yellowtail's all right.
Server: No, Yellowtail is shit. Let me bring you the beer list.

(You mighta had to be there...)

cloudy with a chance of meatballs

So we were looking at clouds from the car and found all kinds of cool things like sharks and camels and big scary faces. But this was the coolest - we all agreed it was Chicken Little - and Zack told me to blog it. So there, I blogged it.

Today we had coffee with a friend who is a pediatrician and we talked all about newborn babies. Very funny conversation of the day:

Michaela: Did you like love us as soon as we came out?
Me: Of course!
Michaela: What color were we?
Me: You were blue...(followed by an explanation of why they were blue)
Zack: Wait...were we like naked? Ewwwwwww. That is just wrong.

I'm going for comic relief on the blog cuz Jenny told me last night that it's all sad. No more World Trade Center blogs. No more sad baby stories. I shall only blog things that are light and breezy. Tonight I'm going to watch "Waiting" and blog funny movie thoughts...

i left my heart on mt. shasta

A message to Jenny and Dave...if you find me a fantastic rent-controlled apartment big enough for my family (including Ursy) for under $2000 in the city (not in the Tenderloin or near the airport, preferably by the panhandle or near North Beach) I will move back. Ok? Get right on that. And find yourself a groovy near-the-river house in the city as well cuz I don't wanna be 5 hours from you...I wanna live next door. (God, this is all so tempting. Exhub, is this tempting? A few hours from Roseburg? In Mt. Shasta? No tall buildings? A few hours from the ocean? Ice cold mountain water? Jenny & Dave? Fresh-brewed Peet's Coffee? Stewart Springs? Diane's garden? Should I go on?)

Here are the 3rd and 4th cutest kids in the world, Fiona and Rowan. (I had to blog some cute peeps that I love so I can stop obsessing about people being trapped in rubble under tall buildings. I seriously need like a 9/11 support group at the moment.) Anyway, I plan on hanging in Cali after graduation for awhile after the kids finish 4th grade (omg, 4th grade). So it is definitely possible I will never come home. Well, I guess that is home. Anyway...

Lots of love to all of you...I miss you.

a plane crashes into a building...no problem, we'll be there with brats

So I just saw "World Trade Center." It was an incredibly powerful movie, not only because it was a true story but also because Oliver Stone does an amazing job showing the whole thing from the street below the burning buildings instead of from a distant perspective from a small tv screen in Davis, California. I'll never be able to fathom it...too huge of a scope to grasp. But I left the theater and found solace in the fact that the tallest building in Albuquerque is about 15 stories (correct me if I'm wrong, native New Mexicans), appreciated that I wasn't crushed under huge slabs of concrete, and then I called my good friend who lived it and made him patiently re-live it with all my (probably) dumb and insensitive questions. Sorry. And thanks.

One cool thing about the movie...obviously lots of people went there and helped out, but besides the marines who basically saved the 2 Port Authority cops from their impending doom, they focused on the Sheboygan (Wisconsin) Police Department who went and served brats to all the rescuers. Gotta love the cheeseheads.

Anyway, I'm not gonna wax poetic about 9/11. I can't; I'm not qualified. But lots of love to those who were there, who lost people they knew, and whose families were waiting for them to get home.

Peace.

it's all downhill now

So my babies are officially 9. I have nothing to say about the fact that half of their childhoods are over, or that this is the last year that their age will be a single digit. I also have nothing to say about the fact that they are starting 4th grade on Monday, and that is the grade where I had my first real (non-tongue, but still) boy kiss. Lisa, too (should I blog Jason Mayer and Doug Weiss? Oh...and happy birthday to Joshy, too...).

After their yummy birthday dinner we went to a neighborhood park to see my cousin Neal, the trombonist, and the Albuquerque Concert Band perform all kinds of really great music. And we rolled around in the grass with some cute puppies. On the way out, the sunset was perfect. As was most of the day.

Quote of the day: "Ok this is cool, but next year will you shove our heads in our cake?" ---Zack

Last night my lovely exhusband tells me there's something yummy in the freezer for me. So tonight I remembered and went to check it out and I'm looking around and what do I find in the freezer? Bags of dead rainbow trout with their heads cut off. UGH. I knew my kids went on a field trip to Shady Lakes, but I didn't realize their loot was in MY freezer. Thank you for the warning, D. That is so wrong.

portrait of a happy family

This morning after another fucked up night in the Mother Baby Unit with a mother addicted to Darvon who won't buy a car seat for her beautiful baby boy who is going through narcotic withdrawal, I got hauled into the unit manager's office to find out that as quickly as possible I'm gonna be an intern instead of an extern so I can "do it all." Very fine. Now I just have to get back on Nancy Morton's good side...

Oh well...I might not have Nancy on my side, and all my friends may be scattered across the country at the moment, but I got good wine and I got cool kids.

Last night the hospital was just a little much for me to take. Heroin addicted mothers giving birth to babies with birth defects who become methadone dependent in a matter of 12 hours make me really sad. And make me wanna hug my kids.

So tonight Zack and Michaela and I talked about how much we love each other and then I made them pancakes in cool shapes. They thought they were incredible. We had letters and lightsabers and smiley faces and one big, plate-sized heart that we all shared because "we each have a part of each other's heart." I wish everyone could have kids like mine.

Hey, did you guys hear we're getting a Kohl's Department Store? That's like...better than the Trader Joe's news!


Quote of the day: "You are clearly underpaid, like teachers and tax professionals." ---my friend who is a tax professional (the sexy word for accountant), after I told him about my crazy night in the hospital. Sha. Like accountants aren't skimmin' off the top...