mean people suck

Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And I'll be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You've got a friend
(Rolling my eyes with sarcasm...)

So today on the way home from picking up the kids Zack told me that Michaela told all of her friends and his friends a secret about him that embarrassed the hell out of him. The only reason she knows this secret is because she's lucky enough to live with him. I am so mad at her I'm thinking about leaving her in the trunk while Obi-Wan Kenobi and I go trick-or-treating. (Instead, I think, I'm going to give Zack all of her candy.)

So I had to give them the friend talk...how sometimes friends, no matter how great and important they seem to be, will come and go. How one day you might be having a great time with someone and then suddenly they wake up and decide you're nothing...completely inconsequential, dispensible, replaceable. How you shouldn't take anyone or any time with someone for granted because you have no idea how much time you got. And how some people, no matter how awesome they seem, just might not care about your feelings. Get used to it kids, cuz if you think it hurts when someone disses you as a 9 year-old, just wait til you're an adult.

tweet tweet thump

Stupid fucking birds. Shoulda been the Tigers. Or the Mets. Or the Brewers, actually. Anyone but a bunch of guys running around with cute little red birds on their shirts. How gay.

alcoholiday

That is the word of the day on urban dictionary.

Definition: Holidays that end up being more about parties and getting drunk, rather than their intended meaning.

Using it in a sentence: I can't wait for the three day weekend, it's my favorite alcoholiday.

I love it. But why am I looking at the urban dictionary, you might ask? Because today I was told that someone called me "ghetto" last night. ME GHETTO. I might love that even more.

Actually, according to #2, this is quite antisemitic. Hmmmm.

Anyway, you guys know me. And I know you read my blog cuz you tell me even though you don't comment. What about me is ghetto? I seriously thought I was the anti-ghetto, but ok, I'm totally open to being considered ghetto.

i'm not a jersey girl but i could probably play one on tv

New Jersey is everywhere these days. It is like the anti-New Mexico, even though it is right before us alphabetically. (#23 on that website up there says that the first Indian reservation was in NJ, which given the state that I live in, I find that hard to believe. But who am I to doubt anything I read on the internet.) Anyway, if you looked up the word "opposite" in your Webster's, you'd see side-by-side pictures of New Mexico and New Jersey.

But I digress. Here's another top 10 list...the top 10 reasons why we should all move to New Jersey. I mean, come on...they are already the most densely populated state. What's a few more people? Ok, here we go:

10. They have the largest Jewish population by percent in the United States

9. They have beaches and boardwalks

8. They got Jay and Silent Bob

7. They got Blues Traveler, too

6. They got Bruce Springsteen

5. Their state actually "closes down" when the budget doesn't get signed

4. They are home to many great Universities (including a couple of Ivy Leaguers)

3. They are just a hop, skip, and a jump from New York City

2. They got fabulous accents

1. They are cutting edge on the gay issue.

Obviously there are some pretty damn cool people in New Jersey. True that.

Ok, so does my blog look different now that I'm writing it from a new laptop?

i saw you

"i saw you yester day at winnings. i drove by. you were lookin HOT..." ---an email from Shenoa

Was I holding a red balloon?

katler and jilldorf

"LAR-NYX?"
"LAR-NYX?"

Quote of the day: "It was inspiring." ---Jen Fish, on Nancy's lecture about ventilation.

erotophobia

Today I got an email from one of our classmates with 2 more study guides for our clase de la familia and at the bottom of the email her signature line says, "Where there is love, there is no question."

Talk about denial. I got a whole bunch of questions, like:

I love you but why are you still throwing a tantrum?
I love you but can you please chew on your bones outside?
I love you but do you really think I'm going to let you come visit for a week and then take my kids home?
I love you but could you please (insert things I cannot write here)?

According to the phobia list, erotophobia is a fear of sexual love or sexual questions. So even the phobia list agrees that where there's love there can be questions.

Here are a few of my favorite phobias (not to make light of people with phobias...i'm not phobist). I have none of them (but I do have ventilopipophobia, the fear of learning about vents).

Anablephobia: fear of looking up
Antlophobia: fear of floods (ok, after the Great Albuquerque Flood of July that almost killed my car...)
Arachibutyrophobia: fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth
Aulophobia: fear of flutes

And those are just the A's...

make a wish, kill a seal

Today at the coffee shop some woman was doing an art project that required 54 people to write down a wish, attach it to a balloon, and let it go. Katie was really pissed off and made us feel guilty for doing it, but the rest of us really felt like we wanted to make a wish regardless of the seal/litter/fucked up factor of the whole thing. Sometimes you gotta weigh the pros and cons and hope you make the right choice. (Sorry, Katie. But look at it this way...if my wish comes true, not only will no animal be harmed by this project, I will someday not be crawling out of my skin. So you'll benefit indirectly.)

My window of opportunity for a road trip is gone. Last night we did the math (red wine + road trip = not a good idea) so I didn't go, even after Ari's mom sang, "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" at karaoke. And while I was on the verge all day, here I am and now it's too late. If I made the wrong choice, I'm infinitely sorry. I really did consider it.

Quote of the day: "I'm going to drive off a cliff after this class." ---Katie, during family class, after I told her to tell me not to drive to Phoenix after class. You can do anything for an hour.

Picture of the week: These dogs belong to my friend Kortney from work. Makes me wanna be a dog. (Katie, read that link...it's the asshole cigarette blog!)

stormy weather

This storm isn't coming to New Mexico, right?

homophobia at its finest

Fucked up quote of the night: "They have a choice, and they should choose NOT to be gay. What a sad, sad life." ---one of the nurses at work. Not even gonna try to touch that one...

dreams imitate life

Have you ever had one of those nightmares where you're in high school and you're trying to catch up to your bff...you're calling her name repeatedly but she's with 2 other girls that you both pinky swore you'd hate forever and she won't answer you. You go to class and you're watching the clock...waiting til you can go find her and see how she treats you. And then you see her kissing the boy that you've been in love with since 7th grade. You are yelling and crying and trying to get her attention and know you haven't done anything wrong except love her unconditionally, and you don't wanna ask her what's up because you know she's gonna think you're ridiculous and infuriating for being so insecure about your friendship, but you can't help it...

Then, you're still naked, and you're walking through the hallway trying to get to your class and you walk in and the teacher is handing out an exam for which you haven't studied, and everyone is looking at you, wondering where your clothes are...

I'm several years out of high school but I still have those dreams sometimes. Especially the test one. I know it's inevitable that someday I'm gonna have nursing school dreams where I'm in class and I don't know I'm pregnant but I go into labor in the middle of a lecture or an exam and my 63 classmates and a few instructors are all around me and there I am, on the floor in 257, pushing out a baby (or in my case as noted in picture above, 2).

What a fucking nightmare.

it wasn't sugar but something got poured on me

Photograph
I don't want your photograph
I don't need your photograph
All I've got is a photograph
But it's not enough

Damn. Damn. Sometimes I feel really old and then I do things like go see Journey and Def Leppard and I realize that THEY are the ones who are really old. But man they can still rock. No need for Steve Perry...Journey is awesome without him. And Joe Elliot...mmmmm....

When I was a junior in college my roommates and I got drunk and wrote erotica (ok, as erotic as 20 year olds can get) about Joe Elliot, Sebastian Bach, Kip Winger, and...LB, who was the other one? Anyway, we used to have parties all the time and make Def Leppard, Jackson 5, and Metallica mix tapes. Tonight I felt like I was 20. There was lots of beer and lots of screaming. Very, very fun.

LB, we should have done this years ago.
Katie, sorry my phone died in the middle of "Pour Some Sugar on Me" but thanks for the text messages!

A few things happened while I was up in the foothills reliving my childhood...most notably, I got elected to homecoming court. I mean prom court. I mean the College of Nursing Undergraduate Committee. How in the world that happened I have no idea, but I promise...

Free printing in the student lounge!
No more Monday morning classes!
No more ugly blue and white uniforms!
Beer in the vending machines!

I'm drunk. I'm going to bed.

Text message of the day: "Yeah, I'm fine. Missed u. Have a 1 armed drummer rockin time." ---Katie. Dude plays the drums with his feet.

red or green?

The biggest issue in New Mexico right now besides the wind that put a serious damper on the balloon fiesta is our area code. We are living a Seinfeld episode... apparently in NYC it is tres uncool to NOT live in the 212 and people won't date you (well, Elaine) if you live in the 646. In a day and age where most of us have unlimited free long distance, does this really matter?

Currently all New Mexicans live in the 505, but they want to add 575 as a new area code. Apparently this could take years because it is such a huge big deal. And now, some guy wrote a proposal to obliterate the 505 altogether and institute 2 brand spankin new area codes in New Mexico: 733 (RED) and 476 (GRN).

Come on. There is more to life than chile.

I'm thinking the meth labs and the school shootings and friends not speaking to us and what time we have to leave for the concert tomorrow night are all more important than the 3 digits you have to dial first to give me a call.

But what the fuck do I know. (And if they really do this someday, I'm thinking I better live in the RED...)

lovable losers

So tonight we had a baseball game against the Atoms. Both my children got injured (thank god for arnica) but they both stayed in the game. Now we're at home watching baseball and it makes me realize that little league sure is more intimate than major league baseball. 56,000+ people at Shea Stadium. I think there were about 50 people at our game, but probably because everyone was in New York.

I gotta say...the Mets might deserve to win just based on the how they look in their uniforms factor...although I'm not sure about the 48 year-old pinch hitter. The Cardinals should lose based solely on the dumbass who dyed his really ugly beard red. Anyway, I'm still pulling for a winner from the real league, although a World Series win for the Mets would be cool, too.

Alas, no one is Gorman Thomas. Yes, I have a hard time letting go.

Fun fact of the day: Neil Patrick Harris and Freddie Prinze, Jr. went to high school together in the same school district as Michaela and Zack's school. Cooool.

power of two

And if we ever leave a legacy
Its that we loved each other well

Well hey, it's fall break, our presen- tations are done, school's out til Monday (like it affects those of us who don't have class Thursday or Friday, but still...it's a mindset), so is there really a better thing to do on a Wednesday night with two 9 year-olds? My twins sang karaoke at a bar. They were so cool. They sang Kelly Clarkson, Green Day, Indigo Girls, and Black Horse and a Cherry Tree. Fabulous. Once they master the trumpet and clarinet, we really will be the Patridge Family reincarnated.

talk about a cheesehead

I'm glad the Packers are making the news.

jaded and cynical

I busted my ass for my kids last night to save their asses from something that would have been bad (not badass, just bad). Now they are back to true hellion form. I'm sick of doing stuff for people or being there for people or getting close to people and having them not care or appreciate it or take off or whatever.

But so I don't get all negative, here's what I'm thankful for at the moment:

1. Thank god the last couple nights (before tonight) were really fun. (Thanks Katie, Colin, Ari...)

2. Thank god for these painkillers one of the FNP's at work brought me back from Mexico. Good for muscle aches when you fall in the shower and it still hurts and heartache when you lose one of your bff's and they just don't seem to care.

3. Thank god our peds rotation is over and that I made it through my evaluation with Theresa unscathed. Although, she did move her chair over at lunch today and then sit on it on my TOES. OUCH. (So again, see #2.)

4. Thank god for this woman. We can now feed a family on $45/month and make our own homemade pads.

5. Thank god for Melissa who was in my OB/peds rotation and is now in my Oncology rotation starting next week. She is so cool. For her honors project, she's gathering information for low income health care (see #4).

6. Thank god today wasn't a stupid bank holiday from which none of us benefit (in fact it's just annoying because you can't go to the fucking bank) cuz I love mail, and I got a very cute birth announcement from Gary and Shannon.

7. Thank god in less than 3 months the holidays will be over.

8. Thank god for Netflix so I can occupy my time with the entire series of the Gilmore Girls for the next few months.

9. Thank god for baseball playoffs. I hope the Tigers win.

exhub says...

The quote of the day is, "Ooooh, this is fun. And it tastes like garlic." ---me, as I played Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on Michaela's clarinet.

(She was playing it after eating dinner.)(Yum.)

Quote of the week: "Trying to run a household through a phone line, Adriana. What do you think of that." ---Yolanda

in response...

Haiku of the day:

Nice try Colin...but
If it's a hospital war
We will kick your ass

Do you have mesh underwear?

Gary, I will send you red chile. Just add tobasco and drink lots o agua.

more on the tube system...

One of our nurses called Labor and Delivery last night and asked if they could just start tubing up the babies. Unfortunately, it didn't work out, but what a brilliant idea.

today's top 10 (14) list

I love UNMH. I'm now going to list all the reasons I love UNMH.

1. I love the red chile in the hospital cafeteria. In fact, I'm actually considering sending a big container of it to a friend far away for his birthday just cuz I rave about red chile and theirs might be the best in town. (Thank god he doesn't read my blog anymore so it will still be a surprise.)

2. I love that I have a locker and even though I can't keep a stash in there cuz I share it with a nice, professional midwife from South Africa, I don't have to carry around my stethoscope, tape, scissors, hemostats, toothbrush, and extra scrubs.

3. Apparently Fridays at UNMH are "Cobbler Fridays!" I don't know this because I am only at the hospital on Fridays until 7:45 am, but I guess they have apple, cherry, and peach cobbler and vanilla and strawberry ice cream. It's a cobbler bar, like where they have the green chile chicken quesadillas and the morning burrito bar. Unreal.

4. My nurse manager and all the charge nurses on my floor are amazing. Heroin addicts? No problem. 8 months pregnant and going out to smoke? No problem. Twins under double bank bililights in couplet care? No problem. You need it? We'll do it...well, friendly, and nonjudgmentally. Orders from the top.

5. Some hospitals make you wear specific colored scrubs so everyone can tell you're a nurse. Not UNMH. You can wear any scrubs you want, as long as they're clean and presentable and your bra, cleavage, navel, midriff, or lower back is not showing. That is per our manager. "Show off your credentials, not your tits!" (I'm paraphrasing, but the mass email was fantastic.)

6. I love the coffee cart on the 3rd floor. They make really yummy nonfat lattes.

7. UNMH is the only level 1 trauma center, the only level 3 NICU, and the only hospital that will take high-risk antepartum women in New Mexico. So all these other hospitals that employ our classmates who are dissing UNMH...they're sending us their patients.

8. I love that it's a teaching hospital. You can make a medication error (shhhhh), feel really, really bad about it, consider never giving meds again, and have the relief charge nurse say to you, "Jill, let me be the first to tell you that this might be your first medication error, but it ain't gonna be your last. Shut up and go take a break." Supportive. (I didn't kill her, by the way, just gave her some narcotics that she shouldn't have had but I'm sure is still thanking me.)

9. I love the newborn nursery. It's big and has comfy chairs where you can go rock babies in the middle of the night. They're always playing good music (except when Maria and Kortney turn on country crap) and there's always good conversation. Also, there are huge heaters where they keep blankets, shirts, and hats for the babies so when you're freezing, you can go in there and warm up.

10. You can speak broken, entry-level Spanish to your patients and they appreciate it and talk back in broken, entry-level English. There is not this attitude that they should learn English cuz they're in our country. I am learning some Spanish, enough to find out if my patients are in pain, if they're hungry, and when their baby last ate. Very cool.

11. I love that I run into my friends in the stairwell. It's not like Grey's Anatomy where the stairwells are all plush and glass and everyone's making out, but it is not uncommon to see lots of people I know while running up and down from the cafeteria, the coffee cart, and Labor and Delivery to Mother/Baby.

12. I love that room 455 on our floor is supposedly haunted. I love getting assigned patients in that room. I'm crossing my fingers for tonight. Wait...is that superstitious?

13. I love the view from the bridge....the bridge that I can actually walk over now without wanting to throw up! How cool. This picture of the moon rising over the mountains was taken one night before work last week.

14. I love the tube system. It is so cool that you can call a doc and request some orders for a patient and they'll tube them up to you in minutes. Katie was gonna tube a note from the Peds Clinic to 4 East to ask Nathan if he wanted to have lunch one day. I ran into a house officer in the cafeteria last weekend who was pissed off cuz they were out of yogurt, and I said, "We've got tons on our floor." And she said, "Can you tube me some to Labor and Delivery?" Amazing. Too bad we can't tube ourselves to like Phoenix.

I know there are lots more reasons, but those are just a few. I might never leave that "welfare hospital" (as my mother calls it).

dichotomous

Right now my children (with their pink and green hair...it was crazy hat and hair day at school today) and their sleepover guest are innocently playing a game of hide and seek while I am watching, on the news, a story unfold about gunmen on the UNM campus. This is Albuquerque, not Los Angeles or Baghdad. This armed men on campus thing is becoming epidemic. Weird.

This is life affirming.

negotiations and love songs

The fire fades away most of every day
Is full of tired excuses but it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple but we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me

Ok, karaoke is really fun. Especially with alcohol, but I sang a song after about 4 sips of beer and it was still fun. I'm keeping a log of our songs. Tonight's theme: love songs. Ari, you must not encourage me to sing Air Supply songs ever again. Ever. No The One That You Love, no Here I Am, no Lost in Love. No.

Ari sang about religion, searching for Marcello, and masturbating. Very hot, girlfriend. Very hot.

sweet sixteen

So I'm sitting at Satellite working on my genogram and my ecomap, and these 2 girls sit at the table next to me and start talking about Jason and Noah and Robby and being sick of school. One of them has green nail polish and the other one has hair that is seriously 8 different colors and their clothes are SO tight I want to ask them how they can breathe. So then one says, "Maybe I'll try girls. Boys are too much trouble." And I laugh out loud and they both look at me (and we all laugh...it was a very sweet moment) and I say, "Try girls cuz you're into girls, not cuz you think they're gonna be easier. Cuz they're just as bad as boys." So then they tell me all about their lives, their boyfriends, their sophomore year in high school and how much it sucks and I tell them...yeah, high school sucks. Everything about it. But once you're far away from it and you have all this responsibility that you didn't have in high school, it makes you kinda sentimental. Then one of them says she's turning 16 on Tuesday and I ask what she's gonna do for her birthday and she looks up at the sky, takes a deep breath, puts her hand on her heart and says, "Endure."

I don't care how groovy I am as a mom. I'm not gonna understand my kids when they're teenagers. Today I resigned myself to that. And what will I do from 2010 until 2017? I guess I will endure.