wounded knee

It's not a battle ending in massacre, but this sucks. Apparently I've torn at least my MCL and maybe my LCL too (remember them from anatomy?) and I gotta say this is one of the most painful things I've ever done, definitely worse than labor. Due to this immobilizing turn of events and the fact that our grad nurse permits have not yet made it to UNMH, I'm on a forced vacation.

Ok, fine.

But a forced vacation would be way more acceptable if I could go on a road trip and end up sitting on a beach, not just be stuck in bed with ice packs and methocarbamol. Not that there's anything wrong with methocarbamol.

Thanks to exhub, I'm also in bed with dark chocolate and the latest People magazine which thankfully is a special double issue. And now that I'm sitting still, I finally got to catch up with my dad. This new no talking on your celly while driving law blows.

Hopefully I will be able to walk by Thursday cuz I am going to the symphony with the 9 year-olds' classes. I think it's so funny that they let ME chaperon 4th graders to an extravaganza starring the punisher.

Is that the right use for the word ironic?

quotes of the day

"I ate a whole chili reunion without drinking any water." ---Zack
"Dude, you're crazy." ---Michaela

megabyte me (or, 101-114)

In Colin's blog he is giving a thought to each crane. I'm just back to my 10,001 things to be pissed about list.

101. Multiple shootings at a shopping center in Kansas City today
102. Rationing
103. Things happen that really fucking (physically) hurt
104. Drunk drivers
105. There is no "Employee who sued the hospital parking spot" at UNMH
106. Who is traveling around Europe with their laptop reading my blog and not leaving comments?
107. On myspace when a page has been deleted, they spelled the word account with 3 c's
108. Nurses who treat other staff like servants
109. I didn't think of this postsecret first
110. 5 or 20
111. NCLEX nerves
112. People who discard other people that easily
113. Last night a nurse didn't question a report that a mom's membranes ruptured AFTER the time of birth
114. Incorrect use of the word ironic

"OH! And, my friend Alex is making me a dartboard with Patsy Duphorne's picture on it." ---Thais

thank god for amityville horror

Colin was so frightened by the movie y'all watched at movie night that he had to come visit me at the hospital because he couldn't go to bed. Next time perhaps you should take my advice and rent a Bill and Ted flick.

Thanks for the donuts and coffee. Surprisingly, Dunkin Donuts makes a fine cup of java. And I believe my coworkers were quite happy.


This cockroach was as big as a cat. Gotta love springtime in Albuquerque.

The blog log:
Things I absolutely had to do today before picking up the 9 year-olds: 0
Things I did today before picking up the 9 year-olds: 0
How much I'm loving this: a lot, still
How many days til graduation: 14
How many days til the 9 year-olds' spring band concert: 18
How many days til the Indigo Girls concert: 20
How long 2 months seems to me: an eternity

aggravation and liberation?

I know, I know... horoscopes can be silly. But every once in awhile you see one that encourages you to do something or enforces something you're already doing.

My horoscope for the week of April 26th, according to Rob Brezsny:

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Poet Kay Ryan told the Christian Science Monitor that her poems often begin "the way an oyster does, with an aggravation." Her ultimate intention, however, is to liberate her readers. "I like to think of all good poetry as providing more oxygen into the atmosphere; it just makes it easier to breathe." I believe this progression from aggravation to liberation is a strategy you could profitably pursue in the coming days, Sagittarius. If you agree to absorb what's bugging you, you'll ultimately create an expansive new swath of breathing room for yourself and everyone around you.

i'm stealing from colin again

"126: Today my backyard saw the most booby action it has had yet." ---from Colin's blog.

Awesome.

Hey, I forgot another first for me...opening your fridge to get more lemonade and seeing half of a dead, bloody goat.

so much time, so little to do...

Today I experienced a bunch of firsts. Here are a few:

1. I ate breakfast with Colin and Shenoa at the Grove, where they serve up their coffee with smiley faces in the ice. How cool. Shenoa swore it was a fun place to go because of all the fresh fruit, but the ice is out of hand.

2. I tried coconut rum.

3. I sunbathed scantilly clad with Shenoa in Colin's backyard, complete with news helicopters hovering overhead.

4. Parts of me that have never really seen sun are quite sunburned.

5. I listened to Shenoa play the guitar and sing.

It was all very sexy.

Quote of the day: "Ok Mommy, but right now I'm just focusing on getting through 4th grade." ---Zack, when we were discussing them going to college.

The blog log:
Things I absolutely had to get done today: 0
Things I got done today: 0
How much I'm loving this: a lot

talk about drunk

I don't usually cut and paste other people's posts, but...I especially love the term "combo naton."

From Colin's blog:

Tuesday 1:24 am

How dare you people let me drive hme inthis state- JK. I ove yo all. The luau was a blast the best barty I've been to in years. really.

But along with the fun come the btterr sweeet. Yonight smeone 've ttally had the hots fr for monthhsa told me she had a huge crush n me. It brke m heart to hear what I've only hoped for become real, but now she's totally in love with someone else. I love everybody, but damn. Way tomake a guy feeel down.

Jill.Iloveyou. I hopemyoure ok. Pleaze forgive my drunken typing- alot of poeople were AKOT WORSE off. seriously.

To those who profeesed ther love t me, I ove you all. geuss thiis is the aftermath of 2 years f close frindfship, and alcahol. what a combo naton.

Ireally love you all .No cranest tonight, I'm to drunk to tpe , let alone fold paper. I love youall.

Damn, I'm going to have a hang over tomorrow. Way to geet fingerprinted.

Posted by Col at 12:11 AM 0 comments

my good dog

Einstein reminds me of me dog
I want to pat his fluffy head
this whole world reminds me of my dog

So Ursy and I are watching a documentary about dogs on PBS right now. I have learned about the evolution of dogs, their usefulness in healing human diseases, the fact that packs of sled dogs run 5 marathons a day, and how we've manipulated their barks. Very cool.

They just showed a dog and her 8 little puppies who were all nursing. My question is...how come it's so easy for them? Based on their positioning and their successful suck, swallow, breathe reflex, I'd give them all latch scores of 10. My patients hardly ever get 10s.

Next time one of my moms is having a hard time breastfeeding, I think I'm going to suggest she tongue bathe her child from head to toe and then nudge the little thing with her cold wet nose outside on the grassy area to run and play.

I didn't know it was possible but I love my dog more after this show. She is staring at the television.

quotes of the day

"It was only 13.2. And that was ALL I did today." ---Shawn, on running a half marathon this morning.

"It's not a good idea. I tend to take my clothes off." ---Rachel, on doing Ecstasy before class tomorrow.

quote of the night

"Come on. I have lives to save." ---Whitny, justifying saying no to someone who called her for a favor at almost 2 am on Sunday morning.

free to a good home...

I love the Bulletin Board. You can find anything from dogs to bellydancing lessons to apartment rentals. One time last year someone posted something inappropriate to the Bulletin Board and the hospital reprimanded everyone and took it offline for 30 days.

It reminded me of when Lolita burned a bag of microwave popcorn in the Admin Annex and Sue Hough took away all of the HR staff's popcorn privileges. (Gary?) Interestingly though, when she first moved to Sacramento, she gave me and exhub a washer and dryer for FREE. Kinda like the Bulletin Board thing.

Anyway, I had this car I got rid of on the Bulletin Board last month. Posted it one day and I got rid of it 4 days later. But now there are other ads I want to post. Like to get rid of my white scrub shirts with the SNA patch, except for the one I gave to a guy in an elevator during my critical care clinical at the VA; books that I only still have because I'm fundamentally against bookburning; all the pens I bought cuz it was all about the pens; and my old laptop, even though it doesn't turn on.

I can't wait to purge on Tuesday.

This is the last time I'm getting my nose pierced. No one has said anything (negative) at work yet.





The Blog Log:
How many patients I have tonight: 2
How many of them speak English: 0
How many of them speak: 1
How many of them are awake: 0
How many days til school is over: 2
How much my life is going to change on Monday: immensely
How tempted I am to start my grad school application like on Tuesday: very

the partay

Ok, I know this picture is really dark and who is that little kid? I have no idea. But I have to remember the partay, and my kids are in that picture if you look REALLY REALLY hard.

Last night was so much fun. Some of the roasts were a little silly (like mine) but Zack's comment to me towards the end about being proud of how hard I worked made up for it. And I loved how my kids danced all night and then went home and passed out in like 2 minutes flat. And I can't believe Michaela chose dancing with Leslie all night over Mario and actually turned him down when he asked her to dance.

Let's see now... Leslie... Mario... Leslie... Mario... mmmmm.... hmmmmmm.... nothing personal to Leslie, but come on.

On a very exciting note, we ended up with the inflatable electric guitar which I'm sure will provide hours of entertainment in the future.

Graduation might be really hard. I almost lost it when Rob said he was leaving for DC on June 4th. Thank god Shenoa's not going to Seattle.

Luau Monday?

Quote of the day: "Um...um...um...sorry, I got distracted, a car just drove by with a bunch of cute girls in it." ---Colin, while on the phone with me.

Very funny.

the day of michaela

So today was the big reception. Michaela's teacher, art teacher, and school librarian came and brought her gifts, and she got an award that some APS art teacher gives out every year in the memory of her mother. Then she got to read her poem out loud to a room full of people.

It is cool to win contests and get recognized for things. It is way cooler when it happens to your kid.

email of the year

"Michaela was recognized over the announcements this morning for being the city wide elementary winner in the poetry contest." ---Michaela's teacher in a message this morning.

poetic justice

So about a month ago we found out that Michaela and 11 other kids from her school were being honored at a district-wide reception for some poems they'd written, which I thought was pretty cool, even though all the students who chose to write poems were being honored. But then this morning I got an email from her teacher letting me know that Michaela's poem (and drawing) won first place and she's receiving a monetary award.

A monetary award.

Like...enough to buy a house?

Tonight at Michaela's celebratory dinner, Colin put in his order "if the monetary award is $500,000"...he would like to live in the backyard of our new yet to be found and purchased house in a plush doghouse with Ursy. No problem. You could be like the golden retriever bud Ursy is lacking.

Regardless of the money factor, I'm really excited for Thursday, but nowhere near as excited as Michaela. Fucking awesome.

fudgie the whale

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I'm done with clinicals.

in all seriousness...

We should be making cranes and saying prayers for this awful tragedy.

does anyone ever win on deal or no deal?

Class today was a blast. I hate when we have to spend all this time doing projects and presentations that aren't even exciting enough to keep the instructors awake. Jen... she rocks. She slept through the whole thing and didn't even try to hide it. I have never fallen asleep in class cuz I'm way too nervous that I would do something really embarrassing in my sleep. Use your imagination here.

Anyway, here's Melissa and me taking pictures of each other taking pictures of Jen. Maybe we should send them to her, too, so she can post the cleavage shot on her myspace or something.

The blog log:
How many days til school is done: 7
How many tests we have left: just the NCLEX
How many papers: 0
How many presentations: 1
On a scale of 0-10 with 0 being no pain at all and 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt, how painful that presentation is going to be for our captive audience: 27
How many people told me I look beautiful and healthy because of my sunburn: about 8
How ridiculous that is for people in this field: extremely
How many times I was called a dimwit today: I think 3
How much smarter I am than the person who called me a dimwit: exponentially, but I'd still want him to be one of my phone-a-friends
How many titty pictures I posted to my myspace today: 0
How many days til graduation: 25
How many days til the Indigo Girls concert: 31
How many other things I have to look forward to: I can't think of any except as soon as I can figure out when to go, I'm going back to that beach

burning down the charge nurse

Let them melt
Let them fire
Let them burn

So just when I thought I had nothing to blog about...

It's not an idle I'm not gonna blog anymore threat. (So stop rolling your eyes.) It was more the thought of when my life isn't consumed with nursing school anecdotes in 8 days, what will be left? "Today I drove the kids to school." Ok, that's beyond hilarious. I'd have to like drive them to school topless while talking on my cell phone and drinking a beer and force things to happen. You get what I mean.

Nothing to blog home about has happened in the past few days. Although I did see cute Wild Oats guy TWICE today (thank you Sammy for keeping your mouth shut)...once because I had to buy something for the work potluck, and once because Kortney forgot eggs (thank you, Kortney) so the just-an-interns got to go to Wild Oats for 2 dozen huevos, more coffee than we could carry, and candles for Kim's orgasmic organic birthday cake (purchased on my first W.O. run).

Anyway...

UNMH just went smoke-free last night at midnight. I think it's possible they just figured out that smoking is bad for you. You can still smoke, however, 50 feet away at the College of Nursing until August 1st, though. They haven't figured it out yet.

But smoking in our breakroom apparently is NOT illegal, because as Kim was blowing out her candles, her hair fell into the candles and caught on fire. Like sizzling hair of flames fire. It was like a Harry Potter movie, as is the fact that all 4 of my patients are in room 455, which apparently is haunted by a ghost (I believe is living in the toilet) from when our floor was a med/surg unit over 20 years ago.

And that is a whole nother blog. See? At least one more thing to write about.

Note to anyone with a myspace or the like account: do not post 7 pages of titty pictures of yourself in various stages of cladness (or non-cladness) and expect that people will not find them. Cuz chances are, your bosses and a bunch of your co-workers are sitting in the newborn nursery at 3 in the morning wondering why the hell you keep taking the same picture of your rack and posting it. AND, having the all-time badass charge nurse see the cutesy "here's me having fun at work in the nursery" pictures is so not cool. My cell phone is in my locker, btw.

Quote of the night: "Yeah, anyone can be sexy after 10 beers and 3 tequila shots." ---one of the nurses looking at the pictures. I wonder what they say about me when I'm not at work.

totally shitty news

Ok...if I ever take a bathroom break at work and it ends up on the main CNN web page because I've done something as impactual as delayed the landing time of planes transporting lungs, shoot me. Actually, if I ever have a job where I have to call someone in Boston and tell them I'm going to the bathroom, you can shoot me then as well. Although, like nurses even have time to pee.

Quotes of the day

"Hey Mommy, did you know that more people are killed by falling coconuts than by shark attacks?" ---Michaela, on the coolness of Hawaiian Day.

"Let's give Mommy a round of a claws." ---Zack, because I made the favorite ever dinner (spaghetti casserole). (And then Michaela said really, we would give that to Ursy.)

maybe i should move to the south valley

When I was in 8th grade Lori Turner and I modeled (ok, I use that word loosely) for this local paper in valley girl like clothes. Which was totally ridiculous because we lived in North Shore Milwaukee, not in the San Fernando Valley where valley girls originated.

So now some um a few years later I've done everything I can to extract myself from the obnoxious, jappy life I knew for 17 years by boycotting all those things that little rich, snooty teenage girls take for granted, moving to northern California, getting tattoos, sleeping with girls, living in a tent, marrying a hippie farmboy, etc. and then I find this friend from high school and we start to catch up and one of his emails says:

"My family and I still have a little running joke about the way you and my sister Julie used to talk to each other, in Milwaukee-Jewish-Valley Girl-ese"

and almost undoes everything I've tried so hard to rebel against for the last 25 years. But not quite. I gotta find that picture of me and Lori Turner. We don't even look like valley girls, we look like 13 year-old spoiled Japs with feathered hair and stupid outfits from Wisconsin circa 1982.

As a side note, while our parents thought we were such well-behaved young suburban teens, Lori, Lisa, and I got into lots and lots of trouble together. And lots. Ok.

Anyway...

thoughts from an insomniac

I should be sound asleep since I have to get up and go into the hospital in 2 hours, but I'm wide awake despite getting 4 hours of sleep last night and being on campus for 12.5 hours today. Excellent. Didn't we learn today that if we are not mentally capable of taking care of patients, we should decline the duty? Didn't someone liken going into work when you're so tired you can't see to going in drunk? So really, Sheniqua, we might as well do shots before we go anywhere and just blame it on being tired. A blood alcohol level of .86? "I haven't been drinking, officer. I just haven't really slept in a week."

So since I can't review anymore papers, absorb another NCLEX question, or ponder another presentation, I decided to google a friend from high school and see what she was up to. I didn't find her but I did find a guy I hung out with a lot who is now a famous jazz vocalist in New York City. You know what?

I am a slacker.

But, do I really need to be famous and successful when I'm making my own contribution to society by raising decent kids? And, do I need to be famous when I can still go sing karaoke with said kids and pretend we are The Partridge Family? And, do I really need to be famous when certain people believe I've made enough of an impact on their lives to give me my own special ringtone?

Like that's not meaning enough.

But today I learned that for some fucked up reason, the more people tell me how much I don't matter, the more I feel like telling them how much they do. (That's gotta be my mom's fault somehow. Or she of the star of c^#%'s.)

Anyway, on a lighter note, I thought I gave up the house, but I'm actually still in the running. I'll find out tomorrow.

Thankfully, my all-time favorite ever Seinfeld episode is on, so who needs sleep anyway.

move over new mexico

So cluster maps are pretty cool. Obviously I can identify some of the people represented by certain dots on my map. But there are dots in places I don't even know people, which is very cool. I'll be happy when my map looks like a little kid with Varicella.

But, ok...who out there is regularly reading my blog (thus making the dot bigger and bigger) from Colorado?

Quote of the day: "My headband is hurting my head, so I just took some Tylenol." ---Brenda...perhaps you should just take it off, nurse of the year?

oh fuck

I just made an offer on that house. This might be the end of life as I've known it for the past 3 years.

Quote of the day: "Yes, we will call it ass-bestos. Put that on the blog." ---Mick, the realtor

i will work at the VA when this is my patient

house #1 pictures

The Guadalajara house...

Look, ferrets can even write articles.

Colin, your photoshop skills are exemplary.

Most impactual quote of the article: "And if I hear one more hippie fumble through the bridge of "Sugar Magnolia" on Zach's untuned acoustic guitar, I'm going to squeeze my head between the bars of my cage and twist until my neck snaps." ---poor ferret

i'm blessed...

...on this Good Friday, even though it's a holiday I do not celebrate. The angel of Parking and Transportation Services accepted my (very honest) appeal and threw out my $100 parking ticket.

It's the power of prayer. I've been praying REALLY REALLY REALLY hard in un-Jill-like fashion to get things to happen, and so far, this week, I am like 3 for 3. Like I need to fold cranes.

Happy holiday to all you believers. And save a pig...eat some tofu. (Look at that picture...that's tofu in the shape of a pig. Colin told me to qualify this cuz it looks like a Jack Russell Terrier head with pork skins attached.)

Quote of the day: "Pork and Jesus, baby. They'll set you free." Ok, I'll consider that.

potty humor

Quote of the day: "It's all done. Why don't you go try it out and let me know what you think." ---the plumber, after installing our new toilet. Like that's not crossing some weird using the bathroom privacy thing.

92

Melissa, here you go. Feel free to begin the swapping of public sex stories as you see fit.

And hope your birthday was fabulous.

nevermind a bird, get a ferret

Today we went shopping for Katie's new bird. Boots had a few accidents but I think he was just so excited for his first Petco outing. Shavey's gonna have to show him the ropes.

Anyway, this ferret was just lounging, oblivious to the world around him. He was so cute, and he's sleeping like a human. I'd rather not have caged animals (we all remember what happened to Wicket the hampster who moved in with exhub, may he rest in peace) but I guess ferrets actually are useful. Like they'll hunt out rodents in small holes. And actually they have been used to run wire through conduits. In fact, Prince Charles and Princess Diana (may she also rest in peace, hopefully she's frolicking with Wicket) hired them to run cables for their wedding. I wonder if they could start IVs, cuz that's kind of the same idea. Really cheap, cute labor. Aces.

Anyway, I think Katie's still gonna get a bird and not a ferret, and I am really looking forward to teaching him all kinds of funny and annoying phrases. I really would not love to have a talking pet.

Some cool things I'm going to teach Seedy to say:
Bootsy wanna cracker?
Seedy is fantastic
Your boobs look great in that shirt
Boots you want a treat?
I'm a fool to do your dirty work
Does my butt look big in these jeans?

Quote of the day: "I want another puppy. And if I have to make Colin hang out with him while I'm at work, then I will." ---Katie, on possibly adopting Chandler

98-100

98. I've spent weeks doing these
99. I never stopped before now
100. I should have made 10,001 things to be happy about

You're right...that's a much easier list. And I was thinking it wouldn't be as funny, but I bet it could be.

87-97

87. today I got a $100 parking ticket at the Health Center after I spent almost $100 on prescription meds for bronchitis
88. spending $100 on bronchitis meds
89. provoking retro-regretting and self-loathing
90. anyone regretting knowing or loving me
91. when my 9 year-old daughter shrieks
92. 5th graders having sex in front of other 5th graders just cuz the teacher is gone for 15 minutes
93. "turn off your laptop or leave." (although, i love that she left.)
94. we are paying an assload of money for this education...so how come we're smarter than some of the instructors?
95. is John Mayer really gonna marry Jessica Simpson???
96. if a praying mantis gets to bite off the head of her booty call after she gets the stick...
97. I don't think I'm gonna make it 10,001

the graduation party (not to be confused with the graduation par-tay)

Sad news. I just got an email from Bruce, and he's not able to attend. (But how cool is it to see his name in my inbox? Very.)

Ok people, what's the story for the graduation party? All I heard last night at Kelly's was "there is no way in hell we're eating out of bed pans and drinking out of urinals."

We have just a little over a month, and people are actually flying in for this. So...ideas?

opening day

Enough said. I love baseball.

Quote of the night:
Katie, to Michaela: Go use your twin-dar and find Zack.
Me: He's in the dug-out.
Katie: You don't have twin-dar. Oh, but you have Mom-dar.

81-86, with pictures and narratives

81. According to Colin, who is currently in class drinking a Nalgene bottle full of lemonade and Parrot Bay, Peter Benchley single-handedly ruined the lives of sharks. Apparently he made them out to be such horrible creatures in Jaws, the scariest book ever with the scariest cover ever, but really they are sweet, kind-hearted animals just looking for seals. Whatthefuckever. Let's go out to Amity, slather ourselves in fish oil, and wade out 100 feet and see what bites our legs off. And let me assure you that they will not unclench, swim away, and then apologize for mistaking us for seals.

82. And while we're there, let's head to NYC and knock some sense into anyone who actually believes that I'm a crappy person or that I would ever intentionally offend or hurt someone I love. Come on.

83. Class this morning made me want to intentionally hurt people, actually. I was eyeing Radha's mace for awhile imagining what would happen if I grabbed it and sprayed someone. Madness would have ensued and I might have gotten arrested, but at least it woulda gotten us all out of that room.

84. Today Katie and I went through the Panda Express drive-thru. She forgot to order a drink, so when we got to the window, this was the conversation:
Me: Can we add a Diet Coke to that?
Window Lady: Sure. What Size?
Katie: A large?
Window Lady (blankly): Huh?
Me: Big
Window Lady: Oh, ok.

85. It shouldn't cost $700 to go to the ER because you can't breathe.

86. We only just figured out last weekend that Kelly's has wifi

A few excellent things did happen today, including I am gainfully employed not starting at the bottom of the pay range and (finally) I have health insurance, I (finally) used my REI dividend, and these lollipops that I won on the radio a few weeks ago are really fucking cool.

And how cute is this dog, sleeping in the middle of the busy sidewalk at the coffee shop.